I'm sitting here in our reading room with a cup of hot tea (the ingredients read "organic peppermint leaves from Oregon" which I find comforting) and filtering through my day in my head.
It was one of those mostly uneventful, but busy, run of the mill days. I don't much care for that type - not because I long for some kind of important event or crisis, heavens no. I am quite drawn to peace and calm in general.
It's more possibly due to feeling bored and worse yet, boring. I long to be full of creative ideas and brimming over with effectiveness in my job and family, and I'm noticing I really demand this daily. This admirable drive meets reality more often than I would like, and I am left once again to grapple with the problem of "How to make effective creativity happen."
My reaction to this kind of day is also possibly based upon my inability to see the extraordinary in the mundane. Although I learned of a parent who is discouraged at her older child's lack of progress on his "s" production today (his lisp was identified late after years of lisping practice, and we work on it over and over every week), today I also heard one of my students make his first ever beautiful "r." And then he repeated it nine times.
It all runs together into a mushy humdrum of busyness, and instead I want to take a moment to celebrate or think of a creative solution or glean someone's wisdom...
Or notice the amazing night sky with a wide strip of subtly beautiful rippled sand clouds blanketed across it and a crescent moon shining boldly within it. I did notice that one. On my walk with Greg tonight.
That makes me feel better.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Confessions of a working mom
I am obviously struggling to keep up with my blog - or write at all for that matter. Although writing is refreshing and life-giving for me, I cannot figure out how to incorporate it in to my life... Ironic?
Truth is, that's just the beginning of my long list entitled "important things I am neglecting." I still cannot wrap my brain or being around working full-time and being mom, wife, woman, friend, etc. without feeling guilty and honestly, failure-ish.
And although I love my job, it's a job. A lot of my hours are spent there... my happy, energetic hours. My confession is that I am holding onto values of motherhood, wifehood, general good womanhood that don't work out with my current lifestyle, and so I am constantly questioning my value and purpose. This is not based on truth and I know it, but it's my issue right now. And, no one else is holding this arbitrary standard up against me but myself.
My job is meaningful, I definitely know that in theory - but like anything that occasionally runs toward the routine, I question the value of my time, my investment.
"Then the righteous will answer him, Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink...
The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"
On Friday I saw one of my second grade students for speech therapy who has had a rough go. His mom left when he was very young and has little to no contact with him or his brother by choice. She lives in another state. I haven't seen any parental representatives for this student at any school functions. He has some behavioral issues that are starting to rear their head.
The student I usually see along with him was absent, so he and I started our session with games working on his "TH" sound and then moving to working on clear articulation of 3-4 syllable words... My lessons this week were based on the wonderful book, How to Make an Apple Pie and see the World. Earlier in the week, he told me he had never tasted apple pie; so on Friday I was prepared.
I brought three kinds of apples for tasting and a small apple pie as well. A change came over that boy when I pulled them all out and began cutting into the apples. We talked about the apples, describing them, deciding which were our favorites, his eyes lit up and smiled at me the whole time - he loved all of them, granny smith, gala, red delicious - peel and all.
Then, I cut into the little, personal-size, store bought apple pie... He had a taste. "Is it ok if I have some more of dat?"
"I'll give you another piece. Well, you know what, you've already had lunch... you can finish it."
Great big smile - he decided he liked it.
I told him it was time to head back to class, and he stood up, looked me right in the eye, and said "well, thank you for everything."
"You're welcome, Buddy."
He walked halfway across the room toward the door and stopped, turned around... "Yeah, thanks, thank you for everything."
"You're welcome."
He is well-fed and loved by his busy dad. I think it was hunger, nonetheless that I had the sacred opportunity to fill and I feel blessed.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Truth is, that's just the beginning of my long list entitled "important things I am neglecting." I still cannot wrap my brain or being around working full-time and being mom, wife, woman, friend, etc. without feeling guilty and honestly, failure-ish.
And although I love my job, it's a job. A lot of my hours are spent there... my happy, energetic hours. My confession is that I am holding onto values of motherhood, wifehood, general good womanhood that don't work out with my current lifestyle, and so I am constantly questioning my value and purpose. This is not based on truth and I know it, but it's my issue right now. And, no one else is holding this arbitrary standard up against me but myself.
My job is meaningful, I definitely know that in theory - but like anything that occasionally runs toward the routine, I question the value of my time, my investment.
"Then the righteous will answer him, Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink...
The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"
On Friday I saw one of my second grade students for speech therapy who has had a rough go. His mom left when he was very young and has little to no contact with him or his brother by choice. She lives in another state. I haven't seen any parental representatives for this student at any school functions. He has some behavioral issues that are starting to rear their head.
The student I usually see along with him was absent, so he and I started our session with games working on his "TH" sound and then moving to working on clear articulation of 3-4 syllable words... My lessons this week were based on the wonderful book, How to Make an Apple Pie and see the World. Earlier in the week, he told me he had never tasted apple pie; so on Friday I was prepared.
I brought three kinds of apples for tasting and a small apple pie as well. A change came over that boy when I pulled them all out and began cutting into the apples. We talked about the apples, describing them, deciding which were our favorites, his eyes lit up and smiled at me the whole time - he loved all of them, granny smith, gala, red delicious - peel and all.
Then, I cut into the little, personal-size, store bought apple pie... He had a taste. "Is it ok if I have some more of dat?"
"I'll give you another piece. Well, you know what, you've already had lunch... you can finish it."
Great big smile - he decided he liked it.
I told him it was time to head back to class, and he stood up, looked me right in the eye, and said "well, thank you for everything."
"You're welcome, Buddy."
He walked halfway across the room toward the door and stopped, turned around... "Yeah, thanks, thank you for everything."
"You're welcome."
He is well-fed and loved by his busy dad. I think it was hunger, nonetheless that I had the sacred opportunity to fill and I feel blessed.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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