Random Grace: Confessions of a Working Mom

A Necessary Friday

2012-01-27T20:48:00.001-08:00

Sometimes you just find yourself happy it's Friday and perhaps a little more energized than usual in light of it... Or you've had a horrible week or a crazy busy week and you are ready to celebrate Friday like it's a national holiday that demands observance...

Or you feel a little foggy most of the day, happily stumble into the house with your children after work, try to make sense of the new, albeit super easy recipe you hope to have the mental capacity to complete, and 45 minutes later your husband brings you the keys that were in the minivan you left parked and running in front of the house - for 45 minutes...
That is a Friday you need.

Our church, Chase Oaks Church has a Friday night service that I love to attend as a family. It is such a great way to kick off the weekend and it's honestly a fun Friday night gig. I grabbed coffee as soon as I got there tonight, but I think I'm deluding myself. I am just too far gone.

Due to this, I will be brief with any thoughts in my own head.
I leave you with my new currentlies and a prayer...

CURRENT CURRENTLIES:

Exercising - on the "Something's Better Than Nothing" Plan (designed it myself). Working out twice a week at a gym for some strength building with Greg and running twice a week... When able, because on the SBTNP, pressure and guilt are nonexistent, and I can't be derailed if I miss a week.

Watching - the BBC show Sherlock with Greg and the older girls. Good stuff. Tried the premier of Touch from the kitchen while making lunches, not so impressed.

Listening to - the new David Crowder Band album entitled Give Us Rest. Haven't heard everything yet, but that's on my weekend to do list. Love what I've heard so far.

Reading - Southern Living and Country Living every month (like a party in my mailbox when I find one) and trying new fast recipes.
The Hunger Games - still too early to tell, engaging.
Outliers as an IBook - have a hard time putting that one down, fascinating! What is my 10,000 hours thing? I need to know!
Reflections for Ragamuffins Daily Devotions by Brennan Manning - I love this. Each day holds a poignantly refreshing and accessible focus on truth I can digest over cold cereal at 6:00 am before the madness takes over.

I leave you with a beautiful, now dog-eared prayer by Brennan on January 22nd:

Jesus, my Brother and Lord,
I pray as I write these words for the grace to be truly poor before you, to recognize and accept my weakness and humanness, to forgo the indecent luxury of self-hatred, to celebrate your mercy and trust in your power when I'm at my weakest, to rely on your love no matter what I may do, to seek no escapes from my innate poverty, to accept loneliness when it comes instead of seeking substitutes, to live peacefully without clarity or assurance, to stop grandstanding and trying to get attention, to do the truth quietly without display, to let the dishonesties in my life fade away, to belong no more to myself, not to desert my post when I give the appearance of staying at it, to cling to my humanity, to accept the limitations and full responsibility of being a human being - really human and really poor in Christ our Lord.

Amen.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

One stinky little thing

2012-01-05T20:34:00.001-08:00

Sometimes you have a great day and a great outlook and a decent energy level. Sometimes your mental and creative energy is flowing pretty well and then one stinky little thing throws you off... One stinky little thing, just one - but there goes your "great" and there goes your energy. Yeah, well, I hate when that happens.

And even though that might have happened at work today and I'm tired now (and my family got the leftovers of me after the stinky little thing), I still need to tell you about a simple story I heard.

A guy who spoke at our church last Sunday closed his message with a story about his 4 year old son who wanted him to come into his room and say "goodnight" after he got home from a late meeting. Turned out the meeting went much later than planned, so by the time he came home, his son had been in bed for several hours. Jason (our friend who was speaking) dutifully went in to his son's room anyway and was amazed to see that he was still awake.

"Why are you still awake?" he asked his bleary, squinty-eyed 4 year old.

Barely able to hold his eyes open, he said "Daddy, I kept my eyes open so I could see you."

O my goodness, he went a different direction with the poignancy of that comment, but I suddenly had my desperate prayer penned and my daily goal illuminated.

I wish I had the grit of that sweet 4 year old, but my prayer would be,

Father, please help me keep my eyes open so I can see You.

...even after one stinky little thing.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Back to the Beginning... Again

2011-12-29T08:20:00.001-08:00

I should be de-Christmassing, but I generally hate that part of the holiday season.
In truth, I like the fresh start it represents and the opportunity to maybe have things organized once I'm done, but it's the process of getting there that troubles me.

Soooo, instead of getting started right away, I'm pondering the new year, Greg turning 40 and starting a new decade (one he's really looking forward to, I might add), and the unique wonderfulness of beginnings.

And seeing as how Grace got wind of my plans to de-Christmas soon and is consequently frantically reading all of the Christmas books one last time before they are locked away for a year, it seems only fair that I give her a moment.

I guess I love that as lost in a moment as I can be, a new year is still a new calendar that no one has written on - and it remains so until I take a pen in hand and start writing.

And regardless of cynical thoughts about my bajillion past ideas or dreams that have never come to fruition, that calendar stays clean with no plans or failures documented - until I try again, with my pen to own my new calendar.

And at the end of every year when I agonize over which new calendar to purchase (must have an emotional attachment), I am overwhelmed with it's newness.

I am overwhelmed with grace - the opportunity to begin again, again.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The Bathroom, The Nutcracker, and Prisoners

2011-12-22T17:12:00.001-08:00

Yep, life has been a little nutty around here (as is typical for every American household in December)...

We are PRETTY excited about the bathroom makeover that has been taking place this week in the bathroom that Emma and Grace share. It was the only room in our wonderful home (that we snagged for an amazing bargain as a foreclosure that needed moderate love) that actually freaked me out when we first saw it. It was kind of creepy and dingy and had carpet.

Greg and I had been saving for an eventual remodel, and the time is finally here! It's a tad complicated when one upstairs bath is out of commission and the other is attached to our bedroom and closet which also happens to be The North Pole right now. The downstairs bath is doing triple time, and it works out with flexibility...

We had a great time with my parents who came last weekend for an early Christmas visit and to see Emma and Grace in The Nutcracker. I finished work before our break on Friday. Saturday was dress rehearsal ALL DAY and one performance that night. Sunday was the second performance, during which I volunteered as backstage mom for an abundance of little mice before and after their part in the performance. The bathroom guys started on Monday morning.

I've been shopping most of the week, because I have time off, for which I am grateful.
Greg works all day this week and has Christmas Eve rehearsals most evenings. He got home after dress rehearsal last night by 11:30.

I am not getting to Christmas cards this year, but we haven't changed all that much from our picture last year. I am loving the photos and catch up notes from many of you. Thank you for squeezing that into your own Christmas craziness.

I am finally feeling done and so overdue for time to JUST BE. Today was sunny and cool, a beautiful Texas winter day (which equals a good spring day in Iowa). I put on my running stuff, grabbed my iPod, and went for a jog.

My soul needed that time in the beauty with no one around. One of the albums on my iPod is Sara Groves, O Holy Night Tour, which is recorded live in a women's prison.

I was running and listening to her beautiful version of Angels we have Heard on High when my heart caught in my throat and surprised me with instant tears at the part when she said, "please sing with me, Gloria, will you sing that?"

The most amazing part of that song overwhelmed me as the lovely voices of the women prisoners sounded to me like angels joining in singing, "Gloria, gloria, gloria in excelsis deo..."

I don't know what is in the hearts of these women, but their voices were beautiful.
I wondered if I sing as beautifully as a prisoner who has been set free.
Or if I sing as one who feels contented with a comfortable life and comfortable Christmas that includes general happiness about eternity.
Or if I sing as one who is a prisoner still not aware of her freedom.
It all depends upon my state of mind, I suppose. I have sung as each.

Gloria, gloria, gloria in excelsis deo!

May we all sing as prisoners who have been set free this Christmas.
Merry Christmas!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Ponderings and Plans, not necessarily in that order

2011-12-02T21:37:00.001-08:00

Looking forward to a busy but fun weekend ahead. Greg and I are running in the City of Allen Rudolph Run 5K tomorrow, weather permitting. Abby has an all day service project with her youth group at a local food pantry, and Emma has ballet and then she'll be serving at her ballet company's Tea with the Sugar Plum Fairy. I am finally going to see The Help with my niece and sister-in-law in the afternoon, which I am pretty excited about.
And the Big Event of the weekend is...

Our annual Christmas Tree Decorating / Eat Chinese Take-out for Dinner Thing tomorrow night! Of course it is always frought with tangled, burned-out lights irritation, "that's my ornament!"itis, little welts where the fir needles poke us, sap from the trunk on our hands for about a week, general exhaustion from the whole experience, some repositioning after Grace is in bed, and needles everywhere, but honestly, the Chinese food makes it all better.
We've had this tradition for at least 9 years - enough to validate it with a red Chinese take-out box and chopsticks ornament. Our beautiful tree is standing in a bucket of water in the backyard for the time being, quivering in anticipation, I think.

Deep thoughts and/or quotables from the week (the ones I can remember):

Grace is a big Beverly Cleary fan, and she particularly loves and feels a kinship with Ramona as the youngest. Her comment after reading a portion of Ramona Quimby, Age 8 together tonight - "Beverly Cleary just knows how life really is."

I think I need to start my own bubble bath company. I am almost out and put it on the Christmas wish list that Grace started for every member of the family. I really do appreciate the wonderful aromatherapy scents I've had (relax, sleep, etc), but sometimes I need bubble bath called "Kick in the Rear" or "Get up and go organize a closet, already!". Haven't quite figured out the scents yet, but I'm working on it.

My Current Currentlies:

I am...
Currently reading: To Kill A Mockingbird and loving it (haven't read it since high school). That Harper Lee can craft a sentence - every one, in fact.

Currently listening to: Gungor's latest album Ghosts Upon the Earth - they are musical geniuses, amazing to listen to while running.
Sara Groves' new album Invisible Empires - love her voice and thoughtfulness.

And that's about it for now, because it's Friday night after a long week and my eyelids are getting droopy.
Happy Weekend to you.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Turning in

2011-11-29T20:13:00.001-08:00

I'm sitting here in our reading room with a cup of hot tea (the ingredients read "organic peppermint leaves from Oregon" which I find comforting) and filtering through my day in my head.

It was one of those mostly uneventful, but busy, run of the mill days. I don't much care for that type - not because I long for some kind of important event or crisis, heavens no. I am quite drawn to peace and calm in general.

It's more possibly due to feeling bored and worse yet, boring. I long to be full of creative ideas and brimming over with effectiveness in my job and family, and I'm noticing I really demand this daily. This admirable drive meets reality more often than I would like, and I am left once again to grapple with the problem of "How to make effective creativity happen."

My reaction to this kind of day is also possibly based upon my inability to see the extraordinary in the mundane. Although I learned of a parent who is discouraged at her older child's lack of progress on his "s" production today (his lisp was identified late after years of lisping practice, and we work on it over and over every week), today I also heard one of my students make his first ever beautiful "r." And then he repeated it nine times.

It all runs together into a mushy humdrum of busyness, and instead I want to take a moment to celebrate or think of a creative solution or glean someone's wisdom...

Or notice the amazing night sky with a wide strip of subtly beautiful rippled sand clouds blanketed across it and a crescent moon shining boldly within it. I did notice that one. On my walk with Greg tonight.

That makes me feel better.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Confessions of a working mom

2011-11-05T22:20:00.001-07:00

I am obviously struggling to keep up with my blog - or write at all for that matter. Although writing is refreshing and life-giving for me, I cannot figure out how to incorporate it in to my life... Ironic?

Truth is, that's just the beginning of my long list entitled "important things I am neglecting." I still cannot wrap my brain or being around working full-time and being mom, wife, woman, friend, etc. without feeling guilty and honestly, failure-ish.

And although I love my job, it's a job. A lot of my hours are spent there... my happy, energetic hours. My confession is that I am holding onto values of motherhood, wifehood, general good womanhood that don't work out with my current lifestyle, and so I am constantly questioning my value and purpose. This is not based on truth and I know it, but it's my issue right now. And, no one else is holding this arbitrary standard up against me but myself.

My job is meaningful, I definitely know that in theory - but like anything that occasionally runs toward the routine, I question the value of my time, my investment.

"Then the righteous will answer him, Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink...
The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"

On Friday I saw one of my second grade students for speech therapy who has had a rough go. His mom left when he was very young and has little to no contact with him or his brother by choice. She lives in another state. I haven't seen any parental representatives for this student at any school functions. He has some behavioral issues that are starting to rear their head.

The student I usually see along with him was absent, so he and I started our session with games working on his "TH" sound and then moving to working on clear articulation of 3-4 syllable words... My lessons this week were based on the wonderful book, How to Make an Apple Pie and see the World. Earlier in the week, he told me he had never tasted apple pie; so on Friday I was prepared.

I brought three kinds of apples for tasting and a small apple pie as well. A change came over that boy when I pulled them all out and began cutting into the apples. We talked about the apples, describing them, deciding which were our favorites, his eyes lit up and smiled at me the whole time - he loved all of them, granny smith, gala, red delicious - peel and all.

Then, I cut into the little, personal-size, store bought apple pie... He had a taste. "Is it ok if I have some more of dat?"

"I'll give you another piece. Well, you know what, you've already had lunch... you can finish it."

Great big smile - he decided he liked it.

I told him it was time to head back to class, and he stood up, looked me right in the eye, and said "well, thank you for everything."

"You're welcome, Buddy."

He walked halfway across the room toward the door and stopped, turned around... "Yeah, thanks, thank you for everything."

"You're welcome."

He is well-fed and loved by his busy dad. I think it was hunger, nonetheless that I had the sacred opportunity to fill and I feel blessed.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Odds and Ends

2011-08-28T17:23:00.001-07:00

Now that most of us have the first week of school under our belts, I'd love to hear how it went for you - any great moments to share? or horrible moments you'd rather forget but know others will appreciate you sharing so they can commiserate? Comment here or on FB if you have a sec...

I started back two weeks ago, one full week before the students started back, and in the last two weeks...

-I took part in my first full blown Flash Mob, seriously. Yep - my first time EVER to learn dance choreography and then perform publicly.
Our fabulous principal informed us at a team building staff event the Friday before we officially started back that the entire staff of our school would be learning a dance to the song "Right Here, Right Now" to flash mob perform at Convocation on Monday morning in front of the staff of our whole district. I practiced at home about 47 times that weekend (not exactly known for my mad dancing skills) and pretty much had an amazing time with that whole thing. I'm pretty sure we were awesome.

-We went to a Ranger's Game (Greg, Abby, and I) the night of the FIRST day of school and didn't get to bed that night until midnight - a little nuts, but we were given great tickets with a season parking pass and sat 13 rows away from the batter. And we won while sitting next to obnoxious Red Sox fans which made it so very sweet.

-Greg and I went to an opening of a new show at Valley House Gallery and panicked when the only parking option was valet. We had two dollars between us (how much are you supposed to give those guys anyway? I NEVER opt for valet, partly because I don't mind walking, and partly because I NEVER have cash). The exhibit was inspiring, and we ran into another artist/sculptor, Micheal O'Keefe, who has been a big source of inspiration to Greg while we were there. Check out his work on the Valley House Gallery website; it is amazing... We had a great conversation with him, and then, it was time to go.
Greg wadded up our two bills as thickly and indiscriminately as possible and took off as fast as he could without running over one of those nice valet guys working in 100 degree heat after handing off our tip.

-I chopped my hair, which was fun and I like it, which is fortunate.

-Grace had a wonderful first week of second grade, and much to my surprise rattled off the morning routine to me on the way to her second day of school (a challenge to remember just about every day of first grade). "Wow, Grace. You really listened yesterday; I'm proud of you!"
"Mom, Mrs. Weir acted it out for us - that's why."
Of course - epiphany... Will be figuring out a way to incorporate a little more of that at home.

-And, so far we have incorporated the idea of sabbath as a family rhythm for two weeks. This is not Old Testament law-driven sabbath but sabbath as rest and replenishment. There is no way around crazy, hectic days in our stage of life, so we've decided to claim one day a week for only those things that refresh and inspire creativity and spiritual, physical, and relational replenishment. We've declared it a no tv or consumerism day and instead read, create art, write, play instruments, play games, exercise, have extended time to pray, enjoy listening to music, linger over a yummy meal planned by Greg (2 delicious meals so far), have friends over, and will some day get outside to enjoy creation...

You get the idea. I'm loving this so far, and although there are and will be challenges, with flexibility, it might work. Saturday is pretty crazy, because we try to fit all the weekend work into that day... But, sabbath makes the rest of the chaos tolerable, because you know it's coming.

I'm hoping we can keep it going...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The Dinner Question

2011-08-13T20:35:00.000-07:00

I start back to school on Monday, a week before the girls go back. It's been a great summer. I've loved having the opportunity to check back in as a mom, wife, daughter and daughter-in-law, sister, friend, granddaughter...

I'm working through the idea of incorporating healthy rhythm in my life as I head back into the full-time work week. Greg and I have had many discussions about the book Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton after she came to speak to our church leaders. I'll try to share updates as we experiment with this idea through trial and much error, I'm sure. I have to personally unpack it a little more before I even attempt to explain some of my thoughts, but I am hoping to get there.

On to dinner...
We had a wonderful time the other evening with some new friends, Stanley and Jenny, we've been wanting to get to know a little better. They turned out to be the type of people you feel like you've known for a long time once you have a real conversation with them (slight disclaimer: Jenny is a counselor, but she was not on the clock).

As I was talking with Jenny, the topic of my personal retreat came up. I had merely introduced the subject when she asked one of those perfect questions that you don't realize you've desperately been wanting someone to ask until you hear it.

"Kelly, what did God say to you that weekend?"

Now, sometimes people ask that question when they shouldn't and it freaks me out. But Jenny isn't like that, and she knew as clearly as I did that there was an answer to that question.

My eyes got a little misty as the surprising strength of that answer formulated itself into words:

"He said, not audibly but certainly, 'I'm so glad you are finally 'going there' with Me. I've been here in the quiet space where you couldn't go, always here even though you couldn't be here yet... And I knew that, so I've waited.'
And I knew with intense certainty that He never left or blinked or abandoned, but orchestrated within a Love that I cannot comprehend."

And I don't want to stop listening, but life is loud, so I'm thinking through that one.

All By Myself... meets the end of the backstory

2011-07-29T21:13:00.000-07:00

Yep, I went on a two night all by myself retreat to a beautiful hotel room that we cha-chinged on priceline for a P R E T T Y good deal. I know, I had never ever done that either - the two night personal retreat. I wasn't sure what I would think or what to expect.

It was wonderful.

I want to tell about it here partly because it was so wonderful and I would like to explain why you need one too, but also because in reviewing my last couple of years, this retreat hit on all of the important anything I would have to say... And I figured it might just wrap up the backstory once and for all.

This get-away was Greg's idea, and he wanted to make it happen before I head back into the full-time school year. Feeling a little unsure, I asked a few people for ideas on how to make the most of my time and then found myself furiously grabbing books, articles, my Bible, magazines, my notebook, etc. without wondering/pondering/questioning. As the time came to head out, I was ready...

I was unprepared, however, for what actually occurred on Friday night. I did not want to turn on the t.v. at all during the weekend, so I began the detox process once I reached my room. I started with my Southern Living Magazine that had JUST COME IN that afternoon about an hour before I left... awesome. I savored every page in the beautiful quiet. I felt inspiration dripping into my creative cognitive area (I don't know, it's just what I felt).

And then, it was just me in the silence looking out my beautiful window. For the first time in over two years, I felt that I was not alone while I was alone. I kept looking out my window as unexplained tears began falling more and more rapidly, coursing down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. For the first time, I talked with God about my last couple of years.

I told Him through now choking sobs how hard it was to go directly from the upheaval our family had been through to working full-time in a demanding and difficult job that required 13-14 hours a day and required me to speak in Spanish all day long. (I worked that first year as a Speech Therapy Assistant for a private Speech and Language Center that contracted out for home health services. I was only offered the job if I was willing to see all Spanish-speaking clients - which would have been great, if I was fluent in Spanish). During that time, my daughters were all going into their first full year of public school; I had previously home-schooled. It was a very difficult year for all of them, particularly Grace, who had a terrible kindergarten experience.

And I was absent... All year. Grace had an ear infection one week when I didn't know, so I just kept giving her tylenol and sudafed for symptoms and sending her to school. Finally on Friday I took her into the doctor to hear how extreme both ear infections were, and I almost broke down in the office. My job gave no days off and no vacation; I drove to areas 1 to 2 hours away from my house and children depending upon the time of day... I felt trapped and horrible. It paid the bills, but I was lonely driving around by myself all day; I became a spiritual and emotional zombie or wreck, depending on the day.

I told Him how that hurt my feelings.

I did not understand why God would have brought me to that place. Why would He have completely taken away my opportunity to do those things that I most value and put me in a place where due to the language barrier, I felt I had very little competence? Was He getting ready to just take me out of commission?

During that year, I was not in my right mind. I was situationally depressed, and I don't think Greg knew what to do with me. I spent many an evening sobbing in my walk-in closet.

I remember walking with Greg one evening when he said, "Kelly, what if God wants you to begin to understand the reality of His love for you? You have always come to situations with your hands full, ready to give and serve; but what if you need to see your value to Him, His overwhelming love for you with your hands empty, completely empty? What if you need to be satisfied with His love for you, even like that?"

I wanted to hit him very hard.

That option, if it was an option did not feel like love, but I never really told God that. Life was too raw for me to "go there" as I would say. I could not handle the surface of life, much less anything deeper...

In the midst of feeling like I was drowning and needing to be rescued, I read a book that was quite timely for me. It was the only book I read that year, and it's little. It's called The Prodigal God by Tim Keller. That book did not make me feel like I wanted to throw it against the wall like some false starts did that year. I felt starved for it. My biggest take-away that I still remember was that God, in His authority had not blinked and lost me. He had placed me exactly where I was for purposes beyond my understanding and he was asking me to trust Him.

I spent Saturday morning walking around the sculpture garden at Valley House Gallery -one of my favorite places.

After that epiphany, I started my day simply with, "God, You put me here; I need You to pull me through." I occasionally revisited my hubby's statements. After multiple frantic, unsuccessful attempts to find a new job that allowed for more flexibility and family time, it was just as I settled into this realm of trust that I found myself hired as a speech therapy assistant in a wonderful school district that was a 1/2 mile from my house in a whirlwind exchange started by a friend in our Lifegroup and clinched after my interview on the day Greg totalled the car I used for therapy... Really. But that's another story.

Of course, in hindsight, God was developing valuable skills and experience within me to prepare me for this new position (looking back, it was like being paid well to "go to school"), but I couldn't see that at the time. What I know is that my current job allows me to be essentially on the same schedule as my children, know completely what is going on in their schools (my therapy room was two doors down from Grace's first grade classroom last year), allows the girls to be in schools they love, lets me work with an amazing team of educators, do something I love, and speak my native language, and yeah - now I have vacation... I am amazed by it, actually.

I hadn't completely talked to God about that either. It ALL (good, bad, and ugly) came out on Friday night, and after about two hours of sobbing and talking to Him (and thinking "crap, I don't have benadryl or anything, I cannot breathe - how am I going to sleep?!), I came to a wonderful place of listening.

And that is essentially how I spent the rest of the beautiful weekend. I hadn't been there in a long time. Perhaps more on that later.

I will tell you the next morning began with me singing in bed:

Morning has broken Like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken Like the first bird
Praise for the singing! Praise for the morning!
Praise for them, springing Fresh from the Word!

Mine is the sunlight! Mine is the morning
Born of the one light Eden say play!
Praise with elation, Praise every morning,
God's recreation Of the new day!

P.S. I found a miraculous surprise benadryl in my make-up bag right after I brushed my teeth on Friday night.

The Back Story, Installment 3

2011-07-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

A long time coming, I know.
This has been more difficult than I thought; I had to take a break. Trying again...

We arrived in Dallas and moved in with Brian and Melanie, unsure of any plan beyond. We were loved and nurtured while we frantically tried to formulate...

The next thing.

Greg asked to volunteer in the Arts ministry of Chase Oaks Church in Plano, because he needed to. Instead, they offered him a part-time position within the Arts. This was very part-time, so it didn't qualify as official family income, but it was a start and a place Greg needed to be. Our whole family needed this church and we loved being there (Grace too, once she got used to the size).

Greg put out feelers with everybody we knew... anything that paid? No real leads... Lots of conversations eventually lead to Greg and Brian partnering to start a coffee roasting business - Greg had already been hobby-roasting for years in our garage in Kansas, the coffee was excellent, there were amazing opportunities for a humanitarian focus...

Starting a new business is tricky (the sense of time and income-producing variables gets skewed in the vision stage), and although the business was slowly growing, reality began to sink in. Shortly after moving into our own home and beginning minor renovations (necessary in an angrily-lived in foreclosed-upon home), Greg and I realized I would need to find employment.

Um, marketable skills? Let's see... stay-home mom and then home-schooling mom for a total of 13 years. I think I gained lots of important skills during that time. How do I put those on a resume? Where do I send a resume?

No idea...

Ritz-Carlton

2011-06-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

In light of it being our LAST day in Colorado, we embarked upon one more family hike this morning. Many of the hikes we've done in the past are currently closed due to massive amounts of snowfall this past winter ("You could try it, but you'd need snowshoes...").

Greg researched a new trail... the "Village to Village" trail that would take us from Arrowhead to Bachelor Gulch - right to the Ritz-Carlton that he's been wanting to check out anyway. Originally, he planned a longer hike but decided on this one because it was shorter and we could just hike right back to our van.

Trail map distances can be REALLY deceiving.

It was a gorgeous day, and thankfully we packed lunches. We saw snow, unique wildlife tracks, and breathtaking views. After 2 1/2ish hours of hiking uphill, Grace was steadfastly plopping one foot down after the other while her face looked as if it was being dragged along against it's will. We began to wonder if I should turn back now with Grace, but she wanted to stay together and try to keep going.

Grace handed me a dandelion ("blow flowers" as we've always called them), and told me to make a wish and then blow. Silently I made my wish/more of a prayer- "Please let there be a way to catch a shuttle back, so we don't have to walk all the way again..."

After one more 1/2 hour of downhill (hallelujah) hiking, we finally came upon civilization. Serious civilization. We arrived at the Ritz-Carlton, tired and slightly sweaty. Right inside the lobby was free lemonade and iced tea, so you could treat yourself to an Arnold Palmer - which we did. I had a looming headache due to needing afternoon coffee, so Greg went in search of coffee. The nice concierge said he didn't believe any coffee shops were open, so he would make us each a complimentary cup. He brought us coffee and two little plastic cups of cream.

We thought we were blending in relatively well, except for Abby's back-sack that said "Sheraton" (a gift from OUR concierge guy who wasn't as friendly when we didn't sign up for an appointment to hear more about being owners...) and enjoyed the wonderful service we were receiving. Greg asked about a shuttle that might take us back to our car (YESSS!), and the nice concierge helped us out again (didn't even ask us to make any appointments).

We caught a Ritz-Carlton shuttle that took us to Beaver Creek where we caught another shuttle that was supposed to take us to Arrowhead, except it didn't.

"Who told you a shuttle went to Arrowhead?" our shuttle-driver asked.

"Um, the concierge at the Ritz-Carlton," replied Greg.

Next thing we know, he's on the phone telling on that guy with significant emotion. He then tells us he's gotten us a ride and to make sure we told the lady driving the Suburban exactly who it was that gave us that incorrect information.

We didn't.

Because the deal is... he was very nice and treated us as if we were staying there (which we tried to pretend was true) and if he would've said there was no shuttle back to Arrowhead, we would've walked that whole way back again.

But this way we had a personal Suburban ride back to our car.

And we lived happily ever after.

Summer Margin

2011-06-09T15:48:00.000-07:00

Summer is approximately 4.8 days old so far in my life and with it a glorious sense of margin I have not felt for awhile. Granted, my wonderful job allows me beautiful breaks during the year - but there is something about a budding sabbatical that brings mental, emotional, spiritual margin pushing me toward refreshment and growth.

I guess I feel like I've lived on autopilot for awhile now and I'm looking hopefully forward to trying my hand at flying a bit.

There are things that I want to be a consistent part of my life... reading, running, thinking, writing... that make me feel kind of like a failure during a 40 hour work week, because I cannot figure out how to incorporate them in. My hours at home disappear into the washing machine, grocery store, transportation to daughters' activities, a little into the oven and stove, a lot into the dishwasher, and then into exhaustion. I do love my job and feel immensely grateful for the opportunity to do what I do. My job brings me satisfaction, and I highly value what I have the opportunity to spend my hours doing (which I know is not the case for most people, and I recognize this as a blessing) -

However, I also realize that if I live on autopilot, I grow toward self-absorbtion, shallowness, soft in the middleness, and too much t.v. watchingness.

I am currently in Colorado thoroughly enjoying beauty, time to sleep and read and talk with Greg and the girls; time to run, hike, play tennis, and swim; time to play games as a family, go on dates with Greg, watch the Dallas Mavericks play in the NBA Championship (that's the only t.v. we're watching, really) and time to transition to margin.

Happy Summer.

Good Friday on Earth Day...

2011-04-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

It is interesting to encounter the convergence of Good Friday and Earth Day. This morning my youngest daughter was singing a song about "mother earth" that she learned at school...

I went for a run today and even amidst the ridiculous wind, the fragrance of the delicately beautiful wild flowers and honeysuckle overwhelmed me. Last weekend I sat in our backyard garden watching as barn swallows, house finches, cardinals, doves, and blue jays stopped to eat at our bird feeder.

Tonight as we drove home from church, I watched an amazing sunset unfold in the sky; and I thought about the crucifixion of my Savior, who also happens to be the Creator of this amazing earth we inhabit. I considered how fitting it is to take a day to focus on caring for this home we have been entrusted with on the day we celebrate the life we are given due to the sacrifice of our Creator.

May I honor His creation because it draws me to worship the Beauty of its Creator. May I reverently care for this world because He's asked me to. May I never lose sight of Him.

Through Him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men... He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God...
-John 1: 3-4, 10-12

The Back Story, Installment 2

2011-02-14T19:24:00.000-08:00

Right around the time it became clear to Greg and me that we would need to head out of our current situation in Kansas, we found ourselves driving out to the beautiful hill country of Texas for an invitation-only Artists' Retreat.

I know, that's what we were thinking. Really? We don't know where we are going in life after this, and we don't even know exactly why we get to go to this retreat, but retreat sounds like something we are seriously needing to do... so we did.

I share this detail, not because I have the time right now to expound upon the huge impact that event had upon our lives or the restorative power of the conversations we engaged in with some of the most talented and creative people we've met (keynote was a film maker from Scotland who lives in a castle, etc) or, looking back, what a truly amazing and God-thing that timing was -
Mostly I want to share why poetry became important to me again.

I had the privilege of attending a session with one of the featured writers, a published poet and poetry professor and singer/songwriter named Nathan Brown. He talked about how writing poetry became more than something he "ought to do" and in fact turned into therapy for him; something he couldn't be without as a means of daily expression if he were to maintain his sanity.

That stuck with me. Over the next few weeks, I found a similar effect in my life - along with running to really loud music.

I am NO poet, but I pretend like I could be sometimes. I share the following as an honest look at where I was, grappling with fear, anger, hope, grief.

10-8-08
The wind sings a song,
A mournful dirge
It seems to me
As it sweeps my gardens about.
But on a careful, lingering listen
I realize the birds are singing too,
Clear and crisp, but almost drowned
By the dirge.
The insects louder join, proclaiming
"The wind is blowing not only
To buffet and chase away
But to help send us where we are going."

10-11-08
Gratitude is the only option
When you are given a gift.
A well-timed gift, the thoughtful kind
Screams for a response in the midst of pain.
It sticks out - so bright it hurts your eyes.
And, on impulse, you close them,
But that doesn't block out the screaming,
Which begins to sound like something different.
A melody instead,
Enrapturing, prompting misty eyes
Back open-
Looking for Someone to thank.

10-12-08
There are seagulls stuck in Kansas.
I overhear their shrill cries through open windows.
Smirking at their stupidity,
I wonder why?
Could our little town's pond have drawn them?
Are they so confused?
So easily mistaken?
What of instinct or Providence?
I hear another single cry that pierces me.
I realize each gull has flown by
And cried - utterly alone.

10-31-08
Pain is a strange thing-
Sneaking up on me
In tears or anger or fear,
Often when I least expect it,
Controlling me and revealing
That bitterness
Is not quite as far off
As I had hoped.

We drove away from Kansas with our moving van on November 11, 2008.

I love you, stinky face

2011-02-11T17:52:00.000-08:00

I have to share the results of our Valentine's Day "homework" that came home with Grace this week. Her teacher read the book I Love You, Stinky Face and had each student write their own small version as a letter to their parents and draw a picture to go with it.

The parents then had to write a response and draw a picture to be displayed next to their child's.

What Grace wrote:

Dear Mom and Dad,
If I wher a big which and I had big sharp and slimy teeth and I would tarn you to a frog will you still love me?
love Grace holmes

(Sorry her picture is sideways)-

What we wrote:

Then we would give you a toothbrush and bubblemint toothpaste to clean your teeth. And we would ask you to make us people again, so we could hug you in our big, long arms. If you didn't, we would hop up onto your head and give you a froggy kiss on your forehead and croak, "We love you, Slimy Teeth Witch!"
No matter what.
Love, Mom and Dad

picture by Greg, of course

dermatologist

2011-02-10T19:31:00.000-08:00

I went to the dermatologist today, because...

I am a redhead with FAIR skin.
I am getting older.
I have moles.
I have not had a skin cancer screening, ever.
Greg made me.

It was not fun...

I am standing there in the little room with bright, unflattering lights and three people (young, fit, beautiful people) staring at me - really intently, for a long time; I am the only one seriously underclothed. It was a nightmare happening in real time. I felt like I needed to explain...

I know I should be doing yoga, but I don't really like it. I run though, it's just that everything has been covered in ice and we've had advisories about being outside. I don't tan, but that should be a real plus with you guys.

Everything turned out pretty well, one mole removed but not too worried about it, one precancerous spot frozen (or something). I'm thinking I'm good now for 15 years at least. And now, Greg says I can go get my hair done at AVEDA - this was my prerequisite.

The Chocolate Custard that will be in Heaven

2011-02-06T16:38:00.000-08:00

I am breaking from "the back story" to share the recipe for the Chocolate Custard Pie that Abby says will be in heaven. Thanks to Southern Living for the recipe - It is so yummy and easy...

Chocolate Custard Pie
1/2 cup sugar
3 tablespoons cornstarch
1/2 tsp salt
4 egg yolks
3 cups milk
2 (4 oz.) bars bittersweet chocolate, chopped
2 tablespoons butter
2 tsp vanilla

Bring first 6 ingredients to a boil in a heavy saucepan over medium heat (about 15 minutes), whisking constantly; boil, whisking constantly, 1 minute or until thickened. Remove from heat; stir in butter and vanilla. Pour custard into baked pie crust (according to package directions for an unbaked pie). Place plastic wrap directly on surface of custard; chill 2 hours. Top with sweetened whipped cream and, if desired, chocolate curls.

Or, you can just eat it as custard and forget the pie crust - YUM!
Enjoy.

The Back Story, installment 1

2011-02-05T08:37:00.000-08:00

Greg and I just saw Inception last night, and I'm still recovering... Fabulous movie, kept me up a way too long time thinking about it. I'd be on the verge of unconscious and a new thought would jolt me awake to join my theories of what exactly was going on (and the later it got, the more my thoughts turned to... "if Greg does something weird in his sleep, I am absolutely going to jump out of my skin.)
Perhaps that's my disclaimer if I make little or no sense...

In writing a little at a time about my "foggy period," I'm trying to figure out where the beginning is...

Greg and I spent a week painting our new house and fixing extreme issues that came along with our beautiful but troubled foreclosure while our daughters stayed in San Antonio with grandparents. This was it... the beginning of our new beginning.

After living with Greg's gracious brother and sister-in-law and my niece and nephew for 4 months, we had our own home again (sort of, thanks to Greg's parents spotting us in an economy that wouldn't extend a home loan to us in any form). We were still trying to figure out what a steady source of income would look like, practically speaking. Greg had a part-time job at our wonderful new church and a business partnership beginning with his brother, but steady income at this point was $1000 a month (not what banks want to see).

I know a lot of people have this story element somewhere, especially in the past few years, but this shook us pretty hard; we had never dealt with such financial insecurity and future obscurity. We dipped into savings for carpet (HAD to be done), paint, and necessary appliance replacements. And with this home came my expectation for a renewed sense of identity and purpose for me as mother, wife, and woman in my own home.

Back a little further without nitty-gritty details (not because I don't wish to share, just because I don't want to infringe on someone else's "story" with my own projections)...
We had just left a difficult ministry fit in a small town in Kansas (we were there for 3 1/2 years) without a plan B or C in place. We knew it was time to go and then the timing was pressed upon us ("you have two more weeks"), so with no Plan beyond knowing we had loving family in Dallas and San Antonio and Iowa and a church in Iowa that still considered us part of their family, we packed up in a fog and tried to make sense of what was supposed to happen next.

A quick run-down of God's orchestration during that time - within two days of hearing we had two weeks left, the following happened:

Our church in Iowa (Greg was youth pastor there for about 7 years) let us know that the elder board voted to pay off our minivan and provide 3 months of health insurance premiums and to offer one of the homes the church owned as a place for us to live while we "found what was next." We opted to move to Dallas because of family and connections there, but we were overwhelmed with gratefulness at their financial support during our transition. Our amazing orthodontist in Kansas wiped our remaining balance for Abby's braces off the books. A pastor friend of ours from another church let us know they were bringing in a new staff member and his family who were looking for a house. This family offered to buy our house before we ever put a sign in the yard. Gracious friends from Kansas were incredibly generous as they sent us with financial gifts from their own pockets.

And we realized as we drove to Dallas with my dad and brother driving the moving van, that the non-Plan next part of our story had us going in completely debt-free without our initiating any bit of that. And although the free-fall in the fog felt weird, I knew the big poofy-bounce house thing was at the bottom...

Losers like us - A starting point

2011-02-03T13:52:00.000-08:00

I've recently connected with a distant cousin (I think she's a little older than me) who was reading up on family blogs. She was drawn to the real stories, wanting to familiarize herself with extended family members...

And feeling kind of like a loser who hasn't done much.
I don't know a whole lot about her except that she's a mom and wife and she works. I was so impressed by her honesty in her very personal email; she felt a connection to me because of my posts about darker times and personal struggles in the last few years.

I felt an immediate tug toward this cousin and shared some quick encouragement based on the little I knew about her.

Again, her honesty impressed me...

"...it is just that I really don't think I need to read more about what I am worth. I know and truly appreciate the fact God made me to be exactly who I am. I know he loves me and I love him. I want something more practical like a 12 step or kick in the butt to get me going on things like this..."

I haven't been able to shake this quote out of my brain. It cuts to the core of my personal struggle, especially last year. I think it is time for me to write it out - the reality of it, although the sting is still so sharp, tears are quick to my eyes.

I've been running far away from the emotions of last year, distancing myself from the weirdness encompassed there - as I am finding myself in a place of some new found equilibrium, margin, bandwidth... I honestly feel as though I was rescued just in time, and I am so thankful, joyful, different...

that I haven't wanted to revisit. The truth is my story is there and some artist friends have recently challenged me to go there and write it, just a little at a time. We'll see how it goes...

my premise is that the 12-step and kick in the butt (and ALL the books I've read about that) leave me in a crumbled heap in my closet when my"opportunities" seem to be taken away and my worth was accidentally super-glued there...

Current conditions

2011-01-21T11:08:00.000-08:00

Sitting in a small quiet room with florescent lights
And spinney, comfy chairs
Two 5th graders are testing, so it is...
Dreadfully quiet - for the first 40 minutes,
Until feet in low Converse shoes and legs
In skinny jeans start making the most of the spinney chairs...
Back and forth, more and more rapidly
While two rubber soles scrape the carpet
Less and less quietly.
We have had a bathroom break
And a snack break.
Nevertheless, the quiet IS dreadful...
The worst possible way to try to think
About math.
So the chair spins, and as I write I realize
Mine is spinning too -
With a more subtle ankle-bend technique
As I ponder...
What else to do given the current conditions.

Sometimes you need a homecoming queen

2010-10-25T19:54:00.000-07:00

It was a good day, really... especially for a Monday that followed 4 days without my hubby (who was at an artists' retreat), until...

I came home from work with the girls and EVERYONE was a little GRUMPY (except Greg, he wasn't home yet). We were tired, Grace has a little cold, several of us are experiencing varying degrees of hormonal influences these days and...

arguments ensued with ATTITUDE. My middle daughter who shall not be named seriously perturbed the youngest, who shall not be named but who consequently grabbed a full glass of water and poured it all over the pile of violin books sitting in front of middle daughter. I just ordered these violin books as requested by middle daughter's private instructor... I spent a LONG time finding them on Amazon and paying for them last week and they just came in today.

I yelled... youngest daughter yelled back. Time outs and more heated discussion along with explanations, apologies, forgiveness, etc.

In the heat of the moment, not knowing what else to do with the intensity, I popped an atomic fireball into my mouth.

I've never had one before, and I don't know why I did it except that they gave them out at church to go along with our "GO BOLDLY" series. I guess I thought that somehow it would help.

It didn't. Greg came home to me sitting on the step of our front walk with tears- not due to the recent situation, but due to the pain in my mouth. I left it in, because I somehow needed to feel I was going boldly (don't ask, it was completely inapplicable - I was grasping).

Greg took the girls to music lessons while I took the dog for a walk as a bit of emotional therapy, and then the dog pooped and I grasped it in my plastic bag-covered hand - except my middle finger was too tall.

:{

Then I got a timely phone call back at home, and my co-worker let me know who won homecoming queen at our high school last weekend...

"You know her," she said.

The very special girl who won has Down Syndrome. I have had the privilege of communicating with her via an augmentative system on her itouch.
I was told she had on a beautiful dress and went to the dance as the date of the homecoming king.

Tears again... the better kind. Sometimes you just need a homecoming queen to bring the beauty back.

First Grade Society of Explorers

2010-08-17T21:00:00.001-07:00

JUST have to share that a letter came in the mail today for Grace from her new elementary school with a wonderful old-world "seal" in the top left corner - a picture of a tent in the jungle with the words "First Grade Society of Explorers... Go Boldly" in a circle around the picture.

Inside was a personalized letter from her new teacher describing their daring adventure in the upcoming year (only for courageous boys and girls) to explore... perhaps encountering unknown creatures, discovering new lands, climbing tall mountains and sailing across endless seas... She explained how excited she is, how she can't wait, and at the end added a personal note to Grace saying she's already heard about what a great kid she is...

Can I go to first grade?

I've met her teacher; she's my age and has taught for many years. She LOVES what she does; this is not an overly enthusiastic first year teacher (nothing wrong with that, just sayin). She included a card for Grace to bring in a burning question she has - something SHE wants to learn about...

Anyway, I got all teary.

back to random

2010-08-01T20:46:00.000-07:00

I love mangoes - love them! I just ate a whole jumbo mango all by myself and looked like a beastie while I ate it, but yum...

We have agonized over our impending BIG DECISION and have now decided to put all three girls into schools in the new district where I will be working. It is an amazing, small school district (I think the whole high school has around the same number of students Abby would have had just in her freshman class), and it is 1.5 miles from our home, so school friends will be close. Grace's first grade class will be about three doors away from my therapy room in her elementary school.

I am already loving my new job. The professional development classes have been inspiring and fun, lunch has been fabulous :), and I am thoroughly enjoying all of the people I'm getting to know. Greg told a friend he feels like he has his wife back; I feel back too - and it's a nice place to be.

AND, I am quite excited about a new cookbook I found at Half Price Books. My lifestyle is shifting once again, and now I need quick evening meals instead of crock pot anything. I found Bon Appetit Every-Night Cooking Fast and Fun: A Real-Life Guide to Getting Dinner on the Table - quite a mouthful, yes? I am pretty persnickety about cookbooks - they have to grab me visually: short, quality ingredient lists (not too much "cream of... soup"), short directions, nicely laid out on the page, good white space, and seriously user-friendly - with ingredients I've heard of, made without weird gadgets and gear. So far so good, I'll let you know how the end products turn out before completely endorsing.

Yep, random me is back.

Where I am

2010-07-26T19:49:00.000-07:00

I went for a "run" today, and it was good to run&think&pray again. I've been back in the mode of "just remember to breathe and put one foot in front of the other" while I run as I'm trying to creep my fitness level up... but for the first time in a long time, I broke through the barrier of straight survival and actually enjoyed myself.

While I ran, I thought about where I am right now: in a beautiful home that Greg and I are enjoying making our own, in a neighborhood with ponds and fountains and nature trails and a swimming pool all within walking distance, in a church I love with an acted upon vision for the broken, confused, poor, and other needs in our community, in a marriage to a man who has loved me completely and faithfully through this adventure so far and for whom I have a deep and ever-growing respect (and he's seriously hot), the mother of three beautiful girls, and in a new job that I couldn't have dreamed up...

And this is a gift, all of it. It was one of those "please don't let me forget this overwhelming sense of gratitude" moments. I have been in a much darker place this past year - a place of dim vision, deep discouragement, and muddled confusion. I have been carried nonetheless, and now I see clearly for a moment...

All That

2010-07-18T21:16:00.000-07:00

You know how you come to that place (most of us do, anyway) called...
"Actually, I'm not ALL THAT" ?
My hope is that this is the place from which we can begin to grow into something.

I was thinking about this today as I drove 2 1/2 hours to meet Greg's parents who were bringing Emma and Grace back from a week spent with both sets of grandparents. I'm currently in a transition between jobs which is inherently offering some much needed emotional, spiritual, and mental margin. I've thoroughly enjoyed having a week to spend a little time on my neglected home, a little time to think, read, pray, and spend every available spare moment with my hubby. The girls are home now, and I feel refreshed like I haven't felt in a very long time, it seems. I am so thankful for my husband, our daughters, our home, our church... I am thankful to feel thankful.

I wrote the following journal entry on 11-9-09:

What am I doing, exactly?
Living what I am not or
What I can grow to be? -
Because they're the same thing,
Really.
And it all depends upon the angle
From which I squint at myself.

Re-reading this and pondering with hope in Another.

Day Off

2010-07-13T08:13:00.001-07:00

Sitting on the porch in the shade,
I am sheltered from the harsh realities of the summer sun.
The morning breeze is almost cool- adding to the deception
That I eagerly embrace.

Softly tinkling chimes from a neighbor's porch join
The mild summer song of contented birds, no longer mate-hunting-
For now.

I am surrounded by flowers in pots that I should water.
A pair of scissors sits next to me, waiting to cut dead blossoms,
And just beyond them my daughter's vulnerable bike asks to be taken to the garage (something about rust and protection).

An overripe, warm mango rests next to my toes on the wicker coffee table, harboring secrets of daring escapes from plastic grocery bags, hiding out in a minivan-induced inferno,
And finally surrendering itself to whatever fate awaits...

And my day is full of possibilities.

-Kelly

It's good to write again.

In the Meantime

2010-04-02T21:15:00.000-07:00

O sacred Head, now wounded, With grief and shame weighed down,
Now scornfully surrounded With thorns, Thy only crown,
How art Thou pale with anguish, With sore abuse and scorn!
How does that visage languish Which once was bright as morn!

What was it like now, late at night for His friends and followers? How deep the pain of feeling forgotten and terrified with nowhere to turn for help. Their only Source of help, comfort, and strength was gone.

They didn't know or understand the profound mystery of what had occurred. They were in the midst of horrible confusion and disappointment - it is a hard place to be... waiting to see what it was all for...

Tonight as Grace held tightly to my hand and walked with me toward the bread and juice, my artistic child was listening to the band play the song "The Day that True Love Died" and watching the images on the screen of various works of art depicting the crucifixion and whispered, "Mommy, I'm really feeling kind of sad that Jesus had to die."

Me too, Sweetheart. Although I have been in the midst of my own confusion (which has made writing in this blog about near impossible for me), I see what His followers couldn't see that night and I have hope, because I have a Savior and He did this for me...

Perspective

2010-01-13T18:54:00.001-08:00

I'm trying to think of something to write about, but the truth is I've had the wind knocked out of me by the tragedy in Haiti. My day of battling traffic and managing my own "issues" has been knocked into perspective.

I am overwhelmed by the magnitude of their pain and the endless need - feeling as though if I were there, I would be a cowering heap of helplessness with nothing to offer.

Please pray for miracles.
I am heartbroken.

TRYING...

2010-01-11T16:15:00.000-08:00

Trying to write a little something no matter the circumstances... even coming home later than usual due to an accident shutting down the highway to start making fish tacos for dinner which began with me gracefully tossing the coleslaw dressing onto our very hard ceramic tile floor (lots of glass PLUS a permeating aroma) then tossing the bag of glass and fragrant dressing into an overfull trash can which toppled, sending morning coffee grounds across the kitchen floor (glad I still had my scrubs on).

Heading downstairs now in a fresh change of clothes hoping for a new beginning. Greg is at the store buying more dressing and Grace is demanding that I sing "Happy Birthday" to Jolly her new beta fish AND that I go out tonight and get a plant for Jolly's bowl in light of the occasion.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Jolly. I had no idea.

A Lame but Honest New Year's Resolution

2010-01-10T08:02:00.000-08:00

I hope to start writing again... Kelly's New Year's Resolution hesitantly made and publicly posted on the 10th of January... Off to a good start!

Where I've been

2009-08-22T19:43:00.000-07:00

I have been slightly overwhelmed by events as of late and thus somewhat paralyzed when it comes to my blog and Face book. I am so grateful for my new job and receive it as a gift from God's hand, yet I also find myself in the middle of a whole new set of major transitions...

For those of you who don't know, I will be working for a speech, language, and learning clinic in Dallas as a Speech Language Pathology Assistant (SLPA) specifically in home health speech therapy for low-income Spanish speaking families. I am working on my Spanish and thrilled to be doing what I went to college to do!

On the flip-side of this, I am sending all three of my children to school on Monday for the first time and trying to make sense of my current and transitioning role as Mom, wife, and full-time speech therapist. I am having a hard time falling asleep due to the swirling responsibilities in my head and my tendency to "have to have it all figured out NOW!" I sway toward the "more intense than I need to be" side of things anyway, and I want to let it go...

Because the reality is, God has blown me away with an amazing job and will equip me moment by moment. I know that as I walk this path, He will illuminate the next step, and I will learn how to do this "new normal" in increments and with practice. That's where I've been lately.

Some quick updates I'll post on FB too:

Waiting for the Back to School parade through our neighborhood put on by all of the teachers at our elementary school.

At Emma's Back to School Party today... We made earrings, and beaded bookmarks, ate pizza, and decorated our own cupcakes.

Electric guitars, dogs, and hair

2009-07-22T14:24:00.000-07:00

O.K., a lot seems to be going on all at once - this is a quick sum up...

Abby is now a teenager! She hit the thirteen mark last week, and all she wanted was an electric guitar. Much of her family pitched in to her already saved up money and... TA DA!

Truly, this is a gift from the Lord who delights in His children. It was an AMAZING deal on a very gently used guitar the band members from our church said was a great one (and NOT one we'd be able to find at her price point). She has become quite the guitar player, and we are so happy for her .

We have a wonderful new doggie which we also gratefully acknowledge as a gift from God. We have a beautiful, gentle 2 1/2 year old English Springer Spaniel named Shawnee that was given to us. She loves all of us and is pretty near perfect!

Abby and Emma, believe it or not, had their very first professionally-done haircut today! I've always cut it, and this is way better...

And here is sweet Grace working hard on a nature drawing of the flowers on our front porch.

O, and I am hoping to land a teaching or speech therapy job in the fall. We'll see how all of that goes, but I'm currently taking classes in an alternative certification program for Early Childhood through 4th grade with ESL and applying to all of the area public school districts. I'll keep you posted...

Emma and I head to camp next week - Emma as a camper and me as a counselor - Firsts for both of us. Should be exciting!

Cow Appreciation Day

2009-07-10T16:57:00.000-07:00

For all of those within my readership who are not fortunate enough to live near a Chick-Fil-A restaurant, I am so sorry. We are seriously celebrating living back in the land of Chick-Fil-A (the home of the original chicken sandwich), and today was quite the party. Today, you see, is Cow Appreciation Day at your local Chick-Fil-A. If you walk into a Chick-Fil-A restaurant in a cow costume you made yourself, you will receive a free combo meal of your choice.

Vibe, the jr. high youth group at our church, had a cow-costume-making-party on Wed. before youth group started, and they met at a local mall all decked out in their costumes today for the big event. Yes, Grace and I had to participate too, because the #1 combo is so worth it!

Watchersee Glasses

2009-06-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

IF NO ONE IS READING THIS, I TOTALLY DESERVE IT!

I would have given up on me too, if I were you. BUT if you are reading this, you are certainly SOMEBODY and I thank you for your commitment.

Abby has been at her first ever youth camp (first ever anykindacamp other than hanging out with the fam while her dad has been camp speaker) this week. She's coming home tomorrow night, and we can't wait to see her. She's been gone since early Sunday morning, and I know she's had an amazing time; I just can't wait to hear about it.

Sweet Emma has missed her sister terribly (which I LOVE) and has planned a whole big party for Abby's homecoming. She has totally taken this on herself and spent her days planning, making a shopping list, creating decorations, centerpieces, planning the menu, and tomorrow she'll be making dinner and dessert.

And Grace is learning to swim! She's swimming back and forth between me, Emma, and Greg with no floatie at all and doing a fabulous job. I breathe such a huge sigh of relief once a child of mine can read and swim. We are so gettin' there!

Quote of the day from Grace this morning while cutting paper with scissors:

"I'm going to make some watchersee glasses with bender sticks on them."

Love it.

How many minutes of fame?

2009-06-09T07:54:00.000-07:00

O.K., so I am practically famous - and I'm feeling pretty excited about it!

The truth is we have introduced 5 new blends on our website (as of this morning), including Sunshiney Day, and Greg wrote a website blog post about them - and well, I'm in it. Yep, I am pretty excited.

And, for any of you who know my Dad, he is the one who turned our amazing blends into accessible products on our website. He did an awesome job (and it was a lot of work)! Thanks, Dad.

Check it out; I know you'll love the blends; tell us what you think!

Top Picks

2009-05-31T17:58:00.000-07:00

KELLY'S TOP RANDOM PICKS:

Creative inspiration - Soulemama blog at http://www.soulemama.typepad.com/ I love this blog; just check it out and see if this woman's creativity and authenticity doesn't inspire you to look at the world a little more artfully. My sister first told me about this, and an artist I've recently learned about also links to it.

Thought provoking artspeak - David Taylor's blog (someone we met in college and is now a sought after conference and retreat speaker and writer on Christianity and the arts) http://artspastor.blogspot.com/ His wife Phaedra (an artist) has an excellent blog also http://phaedrajeanartmachine.blogspot.com/

Morning Devotional/Prayer book - Face to Face Volume One Praying the Scriptures for Intimate Worship by Kenneth Boa. There are so many nuggets in here, especially for those desert times when intimate worship is hard to find. I have found this book completely refreshing when everything is swirling around me.

Coffee - My current favorite Mark's Brothers Big World Coffee is our new Sunshiney Day Blend. It makes me happy. We don't have it launched on the web yet, but you can let us know via email on our website (or just plain email), if you'd like to order some. It is fabulous according to me.

Church - Okay, I know everybody loves their own church, but I really love ours -Chase Oaks Church. It has been a wonderful place to call home since moving here to the Dallas area. Today's message was powerful, and I highly recommend it if you have a little time. Several of our pastors and others just returned from a trip to Ethiopia, and I think you will be more than inspired by their story... http://www.chaseoaks.org/whats-happening/sermon-series/

Wrinkle Cream - Hey, "random" is right in the title. I'm really excited about my new wrinkle cream, because it's working really well and it didn't break the bank. Every person I've asked if I look 23 has said, "Sure" or "yes," so there you have it, pretty amazing. I bought it on my mom's recommendation; thanks, Mom. Neutrogena Healthy Skin Anti-Wrinkle Cream spf 15

Time of Day - evening when the sun and shadows dance beautifully between 7-8:30. Get out of the house during that time and watch while you go for a walk or jog. Be amazed at creation and let yourself be nurtured by it. That's what happens to me, anyway.

Thanks for indulging me, Happy New Week!

Girls Night Out

2009-05-26T19:05:00.000-07:00

Emma and I just returned home from a stellar Half Price Books outing. Emma's reading teacher (whom we love) gave her a $10 gift card to Half Price Books to buy books to add to her classroom library.

What a cool thing to do.

In fact, Mrs. Parsons will do that for any child in her class who brings a note from their parent saying "I would love to go to Half Price Books and buy books for you."

We had a blast picking out some faves and finding the best deals possible. We bought SIX wonderful books in great condition for $9.33.

Here's our list:
A Week in the Woods by Andrew Clements
Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink
Misty of Chincoteague by Marguerite Henry
Hope was Here by Joan Bauer
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
Among the Hidden by Margaret Peterson Haddix

We both left on a treasure hunt, bargain book finding high - all giggly and proud of ourselves.
Thanks, Mrs. Parsons.

All about Grace

2009-05-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

A few pictures to share:

My baby girl lost her first baby tooth. I don't know why this milestone is hard for me. There's something about her WOMAN TOOTH being right there already. I mean it's the actual thing - no extra growing necessary, except for pushing its way up - she will have that very tooth when she's 22 (at least that's what we're hoping).

And for those faithful blog followers, the North Dallas tooth fairy was totally on her game!

Grace also did this recently with Legos. She asked how to spell "fire" and then placed this appropriately on the fireplace...

And a happy moment shared between Grace and the coffee beans:

random me

2009-05-13T08:36:00.000-07:00

Abby had to dress up as a cowboy for Texas History today... Are we in Texas or what?!

And here is the mother's day picture Grace drew for me. Every time I pass by and glance at it I tear up; I'm not sure why exactly -it just makes me happy.

journal entry 5-5-09

2009-05-06T07:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I need quiet more than loud,
Clouds with breaking sun-
A moment to listen so I can hear
Rather than shouting to be heard.

Sometimes it's pollution smudging my mind
Keeping me from myself,
Keeping me from You.

Can I offer quiet, perhaps silence
As my act of worship?
Sometimes that's what I need,
More than loud.

5K

2009-04-29T10:19:00.000-07:00

I am running in a 5K this weekend. It won't be the Emma Creek Classic with my mom and sister and daughters, but it will be a local run supporting Big Brothers and Big Sisters and I get to run with the ladies in my lifegroup from church.

I'm excited about it. We're all staying in a hotel the night before, because it starts really early in the morning (there's also a half marathon option - maybe next year) and it's in Irving. I've been training for it with the lifegroup ladies - one of us is a wonderful but slightly insane degree in kineseology type who keeps us all working. She really is amazing - these are some of the most challenging but fun workouts I've ever done.

We've even been incorporating speed training; I'm generally opposed to speed training and have never actually tried it, because I'm a "get your perfect pace and then don't ever stop" runner. But I've been doing those fartleks (DID NOT MAKE THIS UP - it's a real thing; go ahead and google) and two minute sprints followed by 5 minute walk/slow jog patterns; AND I'm totally enjoying it.

The only bummer is that the t-shirt is bright pink (bad, bad with orange hair). Can't wait for it!

confessions

2009-04-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

I am afraid of facebook and I don't know why.

I danced in the grocery store tonight because they were playing great 80's songs, and I couldn't help myself.

I have eaten more leftover Easter starbursts than any adult should ever admit to.

I danced in the parking lot outside of church with Grace tonight, because she was singing a catchy song and dancing too and I couldn't help myself.

I forgot to water my flowers on earth day.

I desperately need to read a book.

I want a dog.

I like eggplant olive hummus. I like all hummus. I have a real problem with hummus.

Right now I have wet clothes in the washer and dirty dishes in the sink...

Life Lessons

2009-04-15T20:52:00.000-07:00

Recent Lessons Learned:

*Really Super Hot, freshly brewed Ethiopian Sidamo coffee (Mark's Brothers Big World, of course) is a much more pleasant sensation to drink than to feel seeping through my pants. An entirely full cup threw itself right out of my left hand and upside down onto my lap while I sat waiting in the eternal line to pick Emma up from school. I have this coffee snobbery thing against travel tumblers; I want to smell the coffee I'm drinking. I'm over it now.

*Never leave 3X concentrated laundry detergent sitting atop your washing machine. After the mega-spin cycle and a loud crash, I found my washer and dryer sitting in a blue lake ever-growing from the place where the spout used to be on my detergent. Any advice on how to actually clean that up would be appreciated. It's been several days and several mopping sessions and puddles of blue keep emerging from nowhere.

LOVE HUMILITY - LOVE IT!

Easter Fun

2009-04-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

Passover

2009-04-10T06:45:00.000-07:00

The girls and I went to an amazing messianic Passover Seder last night (Greg had Easter services rehearsal at church). A family from a lifegroup we've been visiting hosted it. They moved their living room furniture out to make room for three big tables for all the adults and kids to experience the meal together.

It was a lot of fun (including "silly Seder songs") - but what a meaningful time as well (complete with authentically spoken Hebrew and then English translation). We experienced the complete "long" version, but the kids never became bored - it was beautiful and the girls talked about it all the way home.

Emma said, "You know, Mom, how awful the maror tasted (representing slavery and sin) and then how the water and haroset (representing joy and freedom) helped but the taste was still there for a while. That's kind of like how Jesus forgives us, but we still sin and need His forgiveness until heaven." It was just cool to see them pondering all of the symbols and remembrances we experienced.

"This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD a lasting ordinance." -Exodus 12:14

"The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, 'This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.' In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, 'This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.' For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes." -1 Corinthians 11:24-26

Grace's morning song

2009-04-08T07:23:00.000-07:00

Grace sat down at her roll out keyboard and composed a song this morning. She wrote the lyrics too:

"O, Lord,
Do You like me?
If You do,
I like You too -
I mean, lo-ove You."

Here's praying that Grace will begin to scratch the surface of understanding how deep and high and long and wide is the love Christ has for her as she grows - and that indeed it is HIS love for her that compels her to love Him. May she grow to understand how it is evidenced in our celebration of Easter every year. May she know that He likes her too.

2009-04-06T19:21:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 11TH BIRTHDAY, EMMA CAROLINE!

Part of Emma's gift this year was a cake decorated by a woman who owns a local Plano bakery. She has become a friend as we've talked start-up business together. It just so happens that she shares a birthday with Emma and was tickled to make her cake. She is a true cake artist, making each one custom and delicious. She asked a few questions about what Emma liked and made a cake that Emma loved.

We had Emma's favorite dinner of fish tacos. I gave her a pedicure after school, and Brian and Melanie, Hannah and Ethan came over to share cake and ice cream this evening. It was a good day.

We love you, Sweetheart!

Saturday scones

2009-04-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

Emma's birthday is Monday - more on that later - but she requested a special breakfast this morning since Greg's at church really early on Sundays and Monday is a school morning.

We made some absolutely delicious whole wheat orange chocolate chip scones. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here; I had my doubts when Emma requested whole wheat. I love whole wheat anything, but scones? What about the tender, buttery fall-apartness - is that possible with whole wheat?

Our friend Jenny who came to visit from Kansas a couple of weeks ago is from a farming family who happens to grow some of the most amazing organic wheat I've experienced. She brought a whole big bucket of wheat berries for us to grind in our mill, and I'm here to tell you I am amazed at how it turned into fabulous scones with no white flour at all.

YUM! Thanks, Goerings!

A Day in the Life - One Woman's Marketing Story

2009-04-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

I love our coffee. I've had the opportunity to experience Greg's freshly roasted coffee for years now, and I love our coffee. Seeing as how I also love meeting new people, talking about our coffee is the fun part for me.

Sooooo, I headed out to do just that two days ago. I loaded some samples and information into our cute company vehicle (a cream colored PT Cruiser) and ventured into the unknown. Even though I enjoy this process, I don't actually know what I'm doing just yet. I've had some great conversations with bakery owners and cafes and churches, but each one is a learning experience.

I drove to a particular retail possibility that I hope we can partner with, because we share many core values. Well, I drove to the intersection where it was supposed to be. Ginormous shopping areas were everywhere, on every corner hidden behind lovely landscaping and parking. I picked one corner and drove all around watching carefully (the shops, not the road) and found myself jarred by surprising speed bumps, honked at by fellow parking lot traffic, killing the engine as I stopped my standard vehicle too quickly.

Nope, not there. I tried another corner enjoying pretty much the same experience until finally I drove to the last unexplored corner of this surprisingly crowded for the middle of the day upscale retail area.

Right as I edged out into the center of an extremely busy, multi-lane intersection, I killed the engine. I don't know how I did it; I've always driven a standard as one of our vehicles. Anyway, as I tried to get out of there (I was blocking a lot of traffic), I panicked and couldn't get the thing going until the light was yellow. All I could think was, "I AM SO GLAD WE DON'T YET HAVE OUR ROASTERY SIGN PAINTED ON THIS CAR!"

But it was all worth it, because there was my intended destination - finally. I went in and told a bit of our story. The guys I talked to were great and quickly gave me the name and phone number of the woman I needed to contact at their regional office. They loved the humanitarian emphasis and were really encouraging - I walked out of there fully inspired. I promptly sat in our cute company vehicle and dialed the number.

After a few automated opening comments, I hear...

"Please say the name of the person you wish to contact." I said the name.

"I'm sorry I did not understand you. Please try again." I tried again.

"I'm sorry I still did not recognize the name. Please try again." I did.

"I'm sorry. I did not understand you..." Yes, four times I did this until I heard,
"Please spell the name of the person you wish to contact." I spelled the name.

"I'm sorry, I could not recognize what you spelled. Please try again." I tried again - four times.

"I'm sorry I could not understand you. I'll connect you to our operator." YES, finally!
My phone hung up.

I dialed again, this time saying the name low, then high, then loudly and followed the same procedure with the spelling until I was "connected to the operator" and promptly hung up on.

This time I realized that in the opening comments, my automated friend was telling me that I could say "operator" at any point in the conversation if I needed help. How had I missed that last time? As soon as I could I said, "operator"

"I'm sorry I could not understand what you said. Please try again."

"OPERATOR" "OPERATOR!!" "O P E R A T O R ! ! !" "O-P-E-R-A-T-O-R" "AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH!!" "FORGET IT!!"

Ring.

"Hello, the operator is currently unable to take your call. Please leave a message."
I'm going to try again in a few days.

Where am I?

2009-03-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you're having a hard time finding yourself, because as soon as you catch up with yourself, you're somewhere else?

Yes, I know that's life and everybody feels that way, but I really can't seem to remember if I left myself at the really large pile of boxes still upstairs w-a-i-t-i-n-g to be attacked or the upstairs computer slowly slogging through quickbooks tutorials or the downstairs computer getting our HSA account together or in the laundry room doing... laundry or getting Emma (who is sick today) chicken broth or trying to create files for the piles.

O well, I'm sure I'll end up somewhere.

In the meantime I just found out that a dear friend of mine has her own etsy shop for her beautiful hand painted cards. She has given me some of her cards as a gift, and I love them. They are truly hand painted by someone who genuinely wants to make people feel special. Kristen is someone I had the opportunity to "mentor" while she was a part of our youth group in Iowa. I always felt the most blessed by our time together. She and her husband and sweet baby girl are now here in Dallas while her hubby attends DTS. Check out her cards at thelittlestdaisy.etsy.com

May you know where you are today!

WOOOO-HOOOO!!!

2009-03-25T20:09:00.000-07:00

I think that's how to spell what I'm excitedly yelling (just on the inside, because my children are sleeping).

We are officially UP AND OPERATIONAL. Mark's Brothers Big World Coffee Roasters has a website - and it's working! We are still finding little revision items everyday, so bear with us as we continue to tweak, but please visit us at:
www.marksbrotherscoffee.com

This is a huge step, which is why I'm having my little celebration on the inside. For all of you wonderful locals who have been so encouraging, please come see us at the roastery when you have a chance. Our hours are 10:00 - 2:00, Monday - Friday (and whenever else you see us there), and as exciting as filling coffee orders is, I'd so much rather visit with real people. We don't have our sign up just yet, but again, that's in the works. We're on the southwest corner of Park and Central Expressway - right near the Asel Art and behind Fishmonger's: 1915 Central Expressway, Suite 340, Plano, TX 75075

You are awesome; God is faithful; hills are being gotten over...

WOOOOOO-HOOOOO!

spring break fun

2009-03-20T20:48:00.000-07:00

Fun at home

Fun at the roastery

Greg and Brian (Mark's Brothers) hard at work

Grace...

2009-03-16T20:45:00.000-07:00

So I can tell Grace is feeling right at home when I walk into my kitchen and see this on my chalkboard...

She is a super confident artist, firmly believing that every piece of her original artwork deserves public acknowledgement and exposure. All she needed was to find my box of magnets.

And here is her most recent rendering of "how germs are shared" - her primary topic of conversation lately...

I thoroughly enjoyed taking her to the park today to enjoy the gorgeous spring weather. She was so happy to be in a sandbox full of wet, cool sand that she was inspired to skip and sing and dance while barefoot most of the time she was in it - pure joy expressing itself - fabulous!

Ammenities

2009-03-12T15:51:00.000-07:00

This is my "I have a home, internet, and my camera all at the same time" post! Thank you for all of your wonderful comments and words of encouragement.

We are eagerly anticipating our first company in our new home: Jenny, Emmali, my Mom, my sweet sister Erika with new baby Stevenson hiding inside and precious now one-year-old Lucy. ALL AT THE SAME TIME! We'll be dodging boxes as we make our way around here, but I am so excited and I'm thinking it sounds like a seriously fun unpacking party in the making.

Now for some pictures, finally:

Here it is!

Grace enjoying her toys in her new room. We still haven't gotten the beds put together.

Abby working on homework at our kitchen table.

Emma crafting, of course, in her room.

Greg and I getting cozy in our computer nook; my arms are obviously not quite long enough to be taking self-portraits. That would be why it's all us and no nook, but that's okay we just started putting it together today.

One of my favorite spaces: our library/reading room with a view to the butler's pantry from the kitchen. This is one room that is almost done.

Thanks for your friendship; we can't wait to have you over!

Let the roots sink

2009-03-06T10:23:00.000-08:00

WE HAVE MOVED INTO OUR HOUSE! We won't have normal amenities like internet access or home phone or t.v. for another week, but we love our home and feel so blessed to be in it. As soon as I feel a bit more together (and have internet access), I'll post some pictures.

Emma started at her new school yesterday and loved it! I was prepared for the terrible and scary first day, but instead I had a daughter who was so eager to go back she woke me up this morning at 6:15 a.m. fully dressed and ready for school saying, "You aren't up yet; it's already 6:15!"

"Yes, Emma, the alarm doesn't go off until 6:30. We don't have to leave for another hour and 20 minutes."

She didn't remember all of those details.

Abby starts school Tuesday. Grace is loving having her dress up clothes back. Greg is firing up his roaster, and my kitchen is completely unpacked.

God is good.

So the latest news is...

2009-02-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

* We're painting, plumbing, cleaning, building in our lease space to be prepared for the actual coffee roasting to begin and to pass the myriad of inspections we keep finding out that we need.

* The girls are having a fabulous time in San Antonio spending some time with each set of grandparents - what could be better than that?!

* Greg's truck currently has a flat tire which he and his brother Brian did not notice until the back of the truck was loaded with lots of cedar wood they ripped out of our lease space. Hmmmmm, tricky.

* We have a beautiful bright red, shiny roaster sitting in our "shop" just screaming to be fired up. Pictures to come...

* There are bags of amazing green coffee beans sitting oh so close to our roaster just screaming to be roasted.

* The house is waiting to be closed on and then cleaned, re carpeted, and painted.

* I am having the most wonderful opportunity to connect with old friends. We had dinner the other night with Charlie and Meredith and their family who were our dear friends and Greg's boss while we were in seminary.
I had lunch a couple of days ago with one of my best friends from college, Leslie, who was also a bridesmaid in my wedding. Our lives have taken us collectively to Iowa, Kansas, Indiana, Georgia, and now here we are both in the Dallas / Fort Worth area.

* I better get a move on in case Greg needs a ride somewhere...

Score: Greg 1 Kelly -1

2009-02-18T21:34:00.000-08:00

So, life has been fairly surreal for the past few months... A little intense, we're a slight bit off normal - you know all that. In light of this, I keep forgetting things like how old I am, what day of the week or month it is, etc.

On Valentine's Day, I had no card for my amazing husband; and I figured he didn't have one for me either until...

I walked back to the bedroom and found one laying on my pillow. I opened and read...

I would totally throw myself on a bee for you.

Totally.

The front had a picture of a cute, rather nervous looking little bee (with a ferocious looking stinger, however). It was so romantic I almost cried, and I did laugh. He wrote other wonderful things in it too which are just for me, and I will not share them.

I love my husband.

Let me introduce myself...

2009-02-14T20:02:00.001-08:00

Has it been awhile? Time flies when you're house hunting and starting a new business.

The thing that has most occupied my thoughts and prayers (and stolen hours of my sleep) over the last weeks of my blogging void has been house hunting. No, the house in Kansas has not yet officially sold (please keep praying), but due to God's grace and loving family, we were able to start looking for a home of our own even while we wait upon the one we're selling to close.

We found a great deal on a foreclosure in a wonderful neighborhood with great schools. The closing will be at the end of Feb., and then we can get in there and paint, replace carpet, etc. It has four bedrooms - Abby can't wait; she's been sharing with a very chatty Grace the whole time we've been here- a great layout, and great space for our whole family. It also happens to be really close to our wonderful family and business partners (Brian and Melanie). The neighborhood has a lovely pool and three great parks within walking distance, several jogging/bike paths, three big ponds with catch and release fishing... More to come with pictures once we actually close.

Tomorrow we are taking the girls to spend several days with grandparents, so Greg and I can spend some much needed time together and spend some much needed time preparing for home move-in projects and preparing to function as a coffee roasterie in our lease space.

Lots of excitement and stresses... Can't wait to sink roots down!

GLUTTONY

2009-01-21T14:16:00.000-08:00

We just ate at the famous and old TIP TOP CAFE in San Antonio. It was recently featured on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives on the Food Network. They are famous especially for their HUGE chicken fried steak.

It was truly huge and delicious. I have a serious Thanksgiving afternoon feeling right now...

Yum!

True Story

2009-01-16T16:13:00.001-08:00

What you are about to read is absolutely true:

I made a new friend the other night. I dropped the girls off at youth group and kidzone and hung out for a little while at church. I met this sweet lady who runs the kidzone stuff full-time, and we absolutely hit it off. Her candor and outgoing personality were a breath of fresh air. Anyway, she went to A&M and met her hubby there and has a 7th grade daughter...

I found out she's 36 and said, "O, well I'm 34." She invited us to her life group, and the whole conversation was great.

Greg and Brian are still in Florida, so I laid in bed by myself that night almost asleep while all of those random elements of the day meld together in swirling thoughts. Suddenly I thought, "I don't think I'm 34. Sheesh, how old am I?" I tried doing math in my semi-conscious state and figured out that I'm actually 35.

So the next morning, I emailed my new friend about the whole funny thing. She chuckled and emailed back. Later that day while I told Greg all about it on the phone, he quietly said, "Um, Kelly?"

"Yeah?"
"You are actually 36, and I just turned 37."
"NO WAY! I counted, Honey; I know I'm 35."
"Well, no, you're actually 36."

Can you believe it? He was right! So, I emailed my new friend again thinking she should have fair warning before really inviting us to her life group.

She loved it actually and told me to give her my birthday, including the year, so she could keep track of my age for me. Then she made a comment about how she wouldn't make any comments at all about my education at U.T. compared with hers at A&M.

Wasn't that nice?

Emma

2009-01-14T09:46:00.000-08:00

Greg and Brian left somewhere around 4:30 a.m. to get to the airport for their 6:30 flight to Florida today. They'll be learning all about using our new roaster and running a coffee roasting business and things like that and then be back here on Saturday.

The last few times I've gone on a 3 mile run, Emma has come along on her bike. She rides on the right side of the street while I run on the left, and I tell her she's doing great and she shouts back that I am too.

As we came upon our last major hill somewhere in our third mile today, I heard the birds singing beautifully.

"Hey Emma, you're doing a great job; the birdies are cheering you on!" I shouted.

"No," she replied confidently, "they're cheering you on, Mom."

So, anyway, I battled tears the rest of the way back.

Thoughts and Ethiopia

2009-01-11T16:17:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling the need to do a little thinking in print. I have conflicting, swirling thoughts competing for my undivided attention. We all battle with those, but I know whichever thoughts win will have a powerful impact on my attitude, emotions, and general outlook right now.

1) I am REALLY tired of having most of our earthly possessions in storage! We are so well-provided for as we share a home with gracious, loving family. However, Grace came jubilantly out of her children's class at church this morning talking of nothing but the upcoming indoor swim party for all of the children and their families next Saturday. Grace's big box of clothes did not make it to our current shared home. In the whirlwind of the move, it somehow made it to the back of the storage room with all of the other boxes. Her swimsuit is in there - along with all of her dresses and skirts and anything else I didn't specifically pack into a suitcase for her when we moved. This is not a great time of year to be buying a new swimsuit. Just an example of little almost falling apart moments for me lately.

2) I am looking forward to getting into our own home and putting our roots down with things like our own address and neighborhood, inviting people over, etc. Our home in Kansas has not yet sold, because our renters/eventual buyers have yet to sell theirs. I'm occasionally getting into a blue funk over this waiting period. It's interesting how much of my identity can be wrapped up in my own home.

3) I recently received a letter in the mail from the Ethiopian director of the Dakota 1 project in a village where we sponsor a precious little girl named Ethiopia through World Vision. She will be 10 in May. This is a high risk area for AIDS. We receive wonderful letters from Ethiopia as well as her yearly report card and picture. The letter was expressing this man's concern over the economic crisis he has been made aware of in America. He wanted to let us know that he is praying for us and is humbled by and deeply grateful for our continued financial support. Our support provides things like clean water, clothing, food, shelter, medical supplies, and education (none of which is lacking in our lives, I might add).

4) We had the opportunity shortly before we knew we would be moving so quickly to send a special gift to Ethiopia. I honestly had forgotten about it until we had a forwarded letter from Ethiopia's village arrive here in the mail. The letter was from Ethiopia letting us know how thankful she was for the $45 USD that supplied a goat for her family and several items for the World Vision office in her village. She included a picture of herself beaming and standing next to her beautiful goat and one of a joyful Ethiopian World Vision worker holding his new items for the office. Tears of joy and shame leaped to my eyes. So much there for so little impact to my finances.

Anyway, as you can tell, it all depends upon my perspective. Gifts, rights, grace, expectations, needs?

In Ethiopia's words at the end of her letters: "May the peace and grace of Lord and Savior Jesus Christ be with you all here and there."

Texas winter

2009-01-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

I just went for a 3 mile run on January the 8th in shorts and short sleeves under a brilliant blue sky with bright sunshine in my face. I LOVED IT! We'll see, of course, what tune I'm whistling come July, but for now - this really makes me happy.

Greg is in Austin today visiting an artisan roaster who shares the values we do and is a part of an importing co-op we're really interested in. I just say it's nice to go to Austin whatever your reason is, but I'm thinking he'll have a good time learning more from someone already in full-swing business. Thanks for all of your encouragement, by the way. More to come as soon as we know more...

MAJOR UPDATE

2009-01-06T15:23:00.000-08:00

For a MAJOR UPDATE on our future lives, please see my husband's blog - http://www.holmesblend.blogspot.com/

I'm excited and slightly nervous and all the other things you might expect after reading. I figured instead of trying to explain it all again, I'd send you there. Now, finally I can post about this new journey of ours...

PHYLLIS

2009-01-05T14:27:00.000-08:00

Just want everybody to know that thanks to my sweet sister and brother-in-law (Erika and Darin), my directionally-challenged days are over. I HAVE A GPS!!

Her name is Phyllis - Emma named her after watching Prince Caspian. She's very friendly and helpful (Emma and Phyllis). Let the life transformation begin...

I am second

2008-12-31T15:55:00.000-08:00

I had to share this web link with you if you'd care to take a look. I am so impressed by the way this was put together. A very successful businessman who also happens to be a Jesus-follower here in the Dallas area has started this campaign called I AM SECOND. That's all it says on the billboards - no web address or anything. When you google it the following website comes up...

http://www.iamsecond.com/

I will warn you that some of the real life stories are pretty dramatic and not suitable for kiddos, but I hope this brings some encouragement to you.

I also had to share this picture of Abby with her new ripstik that she bought with Christmas money. It is so perfect for my outdoorsy girl who is really getting the hang of it already - I, on the other hand can't even stand on it without promptly falling off. And here is Grace wearing one of the shirts my sister Erika embroidered and appliqued for her.

FINALLY

2008-12-29T14:23:00.000-08:00

Now that almost forever has passed since my last post, it is finally time for a new one.

I obviously didn't get to Christmas cards this year; I figure I'll wait until we have an address and then send out a lovely photo change of address postcard. But MANY thanks to so many of you for the family updates, encouraging cards and notes, gifts, and just the reminder of your wonderful friendship. We are truly blessed by you!

On to a few photo updates (forgive the yellow tint on some and the blue tint on others; I'm still not sure how to get the settings right on my camera that I've had for... um, 5 years).

Here's my Greg growing his fabulous new chin whiskers - I LOVE THEM! They're much longer and thicker now.

The whole my side of the family Christmas photo

Making gingerbread houses at my parent's house.

Christmas Eve eating.

Grace joining the big girls on her new bike from Grandma and Papa. She LOVES IT!

And what might Greg be working so hard on here? Well, I'll tell you later...

The rest of the photos are just some fun shots I took today while the cousins hunted for snail shells in the beautiful 70 degrees at the very end of December weather we're having here in Texas!

Phil Wickham

2008-12-15T18:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Phil Wickham led worship at the church we've been attending. It was not a huge room, and it wasn't overstuffed like some concert. It was a blessed time of beautiful worship. Greg and I already had Phil pegged as one of our favorite worship singers/songwriters, but after yesterday, I'm even more impressed with his music. He LED worship, completely unassuming, completely focused on Christ.

AND, as beautiful as the worship time was, I DID NOT FALL APART. I figured out that all I need to do is bring along a talkative 5-year-old who is really pretty tall for her age and demands to be held so she can see. So, the beautiful worship time was colored not with the propensity toward tears but the propensity toward blowing my top in the middle of church. Such is the real life of a Jesus-follower, I guess.

O, and I got to shake Phil's hand and thank him for being there when it was over. Cool.

Problem

2008-12-08T19:22:00.000-08:00

I seem to be having this problem... I have only been to a few worship services since our move, and so far I can't make it through one without completely falling apart.

First off, I want to say that I'm not an excessive crier. I used to say, "I'm not very emotional and hardly ever cry," but that is just not even true anymore. I will say that generally I keep it together pretty well, then get away by myself and let the tears flow in solitude.

This new problem is quite unsettling for a number of reasons:
1. I never seem to have enough Kleenexes on hand, because I keep being surprised by this event, to handle the steady flow from my nose.

2. The above situation makes me feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable in public.

3. I seem to have lost control in an area where I have always had ample control and I REALLY LIKE CONTROL.

4. I'm not sure this is a good way to make new friends, because if I were looking at me, I might be a little freaked out.

The main issue is the singing of praise songs. The pastor at Chase Oaks, where we've been attending in Dallas, preached yesterday on worshipping the Lord in song. He mentioned the unique opportunity it is for God to "lift our heads" that may be bowed down for a variety of reasons (shame, pain, doubt, grief...) up toward Him - the One who is outside our circumstances even while He works in and through them.

That gives definition to my experience of finding Him faithful and true, righteous and worthy, compassionate and merciful, complete and sovereign as I sing. His character is so vivid at those moments, and my ability to see Him so clear that I weep. No matter how hard I try to avert my gaze from the words or think about something else, there is the Body of Christ (most of whom I don't yet know personally) all around me lifting their hearts and voices in adoration of Him who is worthy - drawing me even against my will fully in to the experience of worship. I know for some of them there is "pain in the offering," yet they sing.

Thank you, Body of Christ. I'll just learn to pack more Kleenexes into my purse for now.

Thankful

2008-11-24T14:38:00.000-08:00

So, I am missing my hubby terribly. Since he hasn't ever had one of those travelling all the time jobs, I'm really bad at being away from him for more than a few days. We are having a good time here, but here's what happens...

We went with my mom a few days ago to the San Antonio Art Museum. It was wonderful, fascinating, and who else should have been there?... um, my artist husband who helps me appreciate those things all the more.

Yesterday, we visited the truly amazing San Antonio Missions. They are so beautiful and very well preserved. I had to keep reminding myself of how old they really are and that these are the real deal not replicas. The scale of some of them, keeping in mind their age, is mind-boggling. Abby was wowed too. She commented on their castle-like quality and how movies should be made there and how elements of them reminded her of scenes out of Lord of the Rings. (So sorry I left my camera in Dallas, I hope. Have we found it yet, Honey?)

We visited Mission Concepcion, Mission San Jose', and Mission San Juan. I was especially struck by the beautiful architectural detail like layers of high stone walls with gorgeous windows cut into them and each wall in front of a wall in front of another wall having a different window shape. There were perfect widely arched windows layered in front of skinny, pointed arched windows with blue bits of sky entering the layers where windows overlapped. The whole time I thought, "Greg needs to be here with his camera taking pictures for drawings, paintings, and just awesome black and white photos to mat and frame." I found myself trying to look through his eyes and enjoy the art all around me.

Today Greg is baking bread at his brother's house. I LOVE IT when Greg bakes bread. So I'm imagining the delicious, comforting smell.

Yeah, so I like the guy an awful lot. And I'm thankful for who I am because of his influence in my life. Truth is he needs me. He's been arriving to every meeting or appointment he's had over the last week like 30 minutes early. That NEVER happens when I'm around.

Pictures courtesy of my Dad and his camera who went to the park with us today. Thanks, Dad.

minivan moment

2008-11-19T20:26:00.000-08:00

One of the many Texas blessings we are beginning to encounter is the opportunity to connect with old and dear friends and of course lots of family. Just to clarify - the friends are not old, just the friendships.

Today the girls and I travelled to San Antone and just arrived not too long ago. On the way, we stopped to get together with Ross and Christy who happened to be vacationing just south of Dallas. Greg went along before heading back to Dallas. Ross and Christy are those kinds of friends that you can't quite remember not having. We've known each other since before we were all even coupled off and married. They are so precious to us and have always been sources of tremendous encouragement. Thanks for the visit, y'all!

Thought I'd let you in on one of the MANY conversations that went on in a minivan full of females for 5 hours:

After a unique period of silence, Grace says with a BIG voice: "Abby, ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?"

Abby feeling a little confused says, "Um, I don't know Grace. What are you thinking?"

Grace: "I'm thinking what you're thinking!"

Abby: "Oh."

After a little more silence, Grace says: "Abby, you're thinking about just me."

Abby: "Oh, I'm thinking about you, Grace? Is that what you're thinking?"

Grace: "Yes."

Of course.

The Bank

2008-11-18T15:33:00.000-08:00

SOOO, today was the big day Greg and I needed to open a bank account here in good ole' Texas. It's a little different doing this without an actual address of our own, but we had the OK from very dear friends who also happen to be family who also happen to share (own) our current place of residence.
This would be interesting factor #1

Next, I realized while we were walking through the parking lot that we would need a recent piece of mail with our names plus our current place of residence address on it to show that we do, in fact, currently reside here. The ONLY such evidence I had with me was: a post card from the small town library we just moved away from letting us know that we have a fine due on a late returned book. EXCELLENT.
Interesting factor #2

A VERY NICE lady helped us. In the process, she asked, "Okay, so where do the two of you work now?"
A bit of silence...
"Well, nowhere just yet, we're in transition."
(Does everybody really have to hear THE STORY?)
No, she didn't, she was really and truly VERY NICE after all (she had red hair and will be moving to S.A.).
Interesting factor #3

And then we got to the referral credit part where we let them know about our dear friends who also happen to be family who also happen to bank there. This is when they get a small bit of cash, and so do we, for talking in nice ways about the bank. This is when the VERY NICE lady just needed to make quite sure that the addresses were correct..
"OK, so the very same address?"
"Yep, for now."
Interesting factor #4

No problem.

Foggy

2008-11-14T14:38:00.000-08:00

Well, we made it. We are here in the Dallas area, currently living with dear friends who also happen to be family. I've been feeling just a little foggy for several weeks now - you know the kind of surreal, dream-like fog that spins all around you and you feel like you're watching a movie, but it's really your life and you're actually one of the main characters.

The good news is I went for a really wonderful 3 mile run today, and those of you who have known me recently know that this was a huge step in the reclaiming of my life from the fog. The fact that I could do it, and in fact, loved it means that this could be the beginning of the beginning. The weather was gorgeous. We travelled back in time, season-wise, and didn't miss fall in Texas. Those of you who know me, know how marvellous that is for me. And yes, the sky was deep gray with golden sun breaking through and glimmering on trees of vibrantly red, yellow, orange, and green leaves.

Thank You, Creator, I noticed.
And I'll keep you posted on where He takes us from here.

Hints from a moving mom...

2008-11-06T14:06:00.000-08:00

Cover your kitchen table with newsprint paper and throw lots of markers and crayons and pencils in the middle of it. Surround the table with children who have little else to do, and they will stay happy indefinitely. O yeah, add a little Gracie who carries cookies and candy and bread around (without asking her mother first) to keep everyone from getting hungry.

Some dear and gracious friends who bought some paper to help us with packing had no idea how versatile it would be. Beyond stuffing, wrapping, layering... it also becomes the entertainment for the children in the house while their moms are helping me. Thanks, Lapps! And thanks ALL of you who are giving of your time and resources and energy and food to encourage and sustain us. You are amazing; I would be drowning without you.

Grace's morning song

2008-11-05T16:01:00.000-08:00

The fun in our house is getting seriously sparse with most everything in boxes now, so the girls have been getting more creative in the simplicity. Several decks of playing cards were out yesterday and today for building card houses.

This morning, Grace sang this song while looking at the cards spread out on the living room floor:

I can't draw a 5
I think they are boys
But they are really wild girls...

(Long dramatic pause)
And I can't really draw 4 either.

Friday

2008-10-31T16:22:00.000-07:00

Don't have much to say. We'll be moving to Dallas in a little over a week; here are some recent pictures in the meantime...

Bursting

2008-10-22T06:37:00.000-07:00

I have been wondering if it's okay to brag about my own children on my blog - not that I haven't done it before, I've just been wondering if it's okay. I decided that since reading my blog is a voluntary activity, not one that is forced upon you, and since it is my blog, that yes, it is okay.

In light of this disclaimer, I have to share that Abby came home from her end of season volleyball party on Monday with an award. Each volleyball team gave out 4 or 5 awards to those who were voted by the team to have most exemplified whatever the award was for. Abby came home with the "Attitude is Everything" award for her 7th grade team. I was so proud of her; in my opinion that is the best award she can win, especially when fellow teammates are voting. Congratulations, Abby! You've had an excellent season.

To help offset any dangerous head-swelling, I also have to share that my brilliant daughter who is doing tremendously well academically, spent two late evenings in a row looking ALL OVER THE HOUSE for her tennis shoes which she "PROMISED" came home with her and mysteriously displaced themselves. She took them out of her bag, remembered putting them in a certain place on her floor, and then POOF! they were gone. She wondered if she had hidden them in her sleep (which she has done before with other things); she even blamed me for playing some kind of trick and taking her shoes. And BOTH times, they were actually sitting right in the locker room at school, abandoned by their owner.

I also received an email from Emma's homeroom teacher yesterday letting me know what a delightful, mature, and bright student she is. He was saddened to hear that we'll be moving because of the influence she is within the class. Congratulations, Emma! I'm so proud of how you've adjusted to school.

And we spent a delightful week with my sister Erika and my precious niece Lucy who came to visit. Here are a couple of favorite pictures...

I went for a

2008-10-11T13:42:00.000-07:00

5 mile run today - which for me is pretty much a marathon. I did it; I ran the whole thing without stopping. I needed it today.

The only thing that kept me going was this:

"Put one foot in front of the other.
Repeat."

Plus the ipod.

jogging again

2008-09-26T13:58:00.000-07:00

I should be working on dinner, and I will be soon, but there are so many potential blog posts in my head and NOT ENOUGH TIME... like showing pictures of the first ever time I was in a parade (which, by the way happened last night in our little town. I made it in, because I'm a barista! You just don't make it into San Antonio parades for such accomplishments. I walked along with fellow baristas in front of our owner's jeep made to look like a giant cup of steaming coffee - dry ice on top. We wore our aprons with pockets full of candy to toss out along the way. The whole parade lasted about 12 minutes).

OR I also want to share how recently revisiting the wonderful children's book Betsy-Tacy inspires my whole concept of true friendship anew - that will be to come, I'm sure.

BUT today what I am most needing to post about is my morning jog. It was gorgeous this morning, and I didn't take the ipod because I felt the need to completely experience creation. I was energized by the coolness and the songs of the birds and insects and frogs. I was overwhelmed by the visual impact around me, struggling to know where to let my eyes gaze.

I thought about the structured beauty of the gardens and well-ordered landscapes that make up much of what we experience in nature. I also thought about the gardens and forests that grow out of nature's chaos, out of seeds dropped wherever and allowed to sprout and grow. I thought about the "stuff" we clear out to make room for well-ordered beauty.

I thought about how my Heavenly Father is actually in charge of all of it. In His goodness, He gives us minds that love to create beauty; He gives us resources to do so. He allows us to "control" creation in such a way that we are satisfied with our work and refreshed by its beauty. He is the author of the beauty as the Creator of both the "stuff" we have to work with and the "us" that works with it.

I am also thankful for the beauty that comes from the "chaos" of nature - the unplanned landscapes, untouched by human hands, out of our control, and yet remarkably beautiful. As if some Divine Creator takes what seems like chaos to us, because it is not ordered or controlled by us, and lets us see The Beauty and in fact, the Divine Design of it. It is at those places that we feel most blessed, like we have discovered a treasure meant only for our eyes. The overgrown forest that, if you look underneath the lowest branches, becomes a hidden playhouse for children (or fairies). The monarch that decides to fly just at your right shoulder at the last curve of your jog as if challenging you to a race, keeping you going.

The reminder that divine beauty can come from things outside of our control.

Job Description

2008-09-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Grace looked up at me from her drawing at the kitchen table and said,
"Mommy, I want to do the things you do."

"Like what exactly?" I asked.

"Well, like vacuuming the living room, taking naps on the couch, reading Bibles, and feeding babies."

And that was the list - I'm pretty sure "feeding babies" hearkens back to our weekend with cousin Lucy.

I've been pondering my life for the last 24 hours, feeling like perhaps I should read the next chapter of the book I'm making my way through right now by Dr. Leslie Parrott, You Matter More Than You Think.

whirlwind

2008-09-23T12:19:00.000-07:00

Our family just returned on Saturday night from a wonderful and whirlwindy trip to Des Moines. We couldn't start the trip until after Abby's volleyball game on Thursday night. It lasted until 6:00ish, which means we didn't arrive in Des Moines until 1:00 a.m.

Abby did a great job in her game! Here are some photos from a previous game that I've been meaning to post...

Abby is in the back row, far left - #38

Greg had to take a close up, because this is the first time since Abby was four, I think, that she has worn a ribbon in her hair -- it was a volleyball team thing.

The reason for our trip was to celebrate the finalization of our niece's (sweet Lucy's) adoption. Erika and Darin held an Open House party on Saturday. What a privilege it is to watch all of this unfold and to enjoy the blessing of this precious girl.

My sister made a bazillion beautiful, tasty cupcakes that all had hand-piped frosting. Wow! What happened in the genetics between her and I? She dances and she's flexible too.

An added joy was the opportunity to visit with our dear friends the Larsons (minus Alyssa who had previous commitments - sorry Alyssa, we missed you!) who came from Cedar Rapids.

And, I would say, the whirlwind was worth it!

Birthdays Galore!

2008-09-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

Grace Kathryn is FIVE years old today. This is Grace's first birthday celebration at home. We have ALWAYS been on vacation over her birthday, so I decided we should throw together her first ever "friend" birthday party. This poor third-born child looks longingly at pictures of Abby and Emma's previous parties and asks what all the kids are doing, what are they eating, what are they dressed up as, etc...

So today, we had three little girls over for a lunch of mac n cheese, chicken nuggets, and fruit (there's the nutrition, right there). We made tissue paper butterflies and lugged the giant dress-up trunk into the living room and that was pretty much all we needed. They all acted like such little ladies, I couldn't believe it. Nobody yelled for and grabbed at what someone else was wearing. No one cried because someone else had the fancy shoes they wanted. In fact what I heard was...

"O, you look beautiful. Here, you need to wear this tiara, because it goes with that dress."

"Could you please button my dress for me?"

"Here let me find the shoes that go with your dress for you."

And on and on. I got the giggles listening to these little 4 and 5 year old girls acting more grown up than many older girls I listen to (no one in particular, of course).

We had cupcakes with pink frosting and princess sprinkles (which included glass slippers, pearls, golden crowns, and enchanted apples)

And truly much to Abby and Emma's chagrin the whole fun PARTY had to happen while they were at school. That's okay, we'll celebrate as a family tonight, it was Grace's turn.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEET GRACE!

We love you.

Here is Grace wearing the apron my sister made for her out of fabric with a little blond girl and "gracie" printed all over it.

Happy Birthday, Little Brother!

2008-09-12T07:13:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAUL!!

You say it's your birthday,

It's my birthday too, yeah.

You are awesome, brilliant, handsome, FUNNY, and...

your present will be late, sorry. Have a great day - I love you.

From your loving twin sister, two years removed.

On running

2008-09-10T06:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you go for a two mile run, it's not to do speed work or because you're super fit and need to stick to your strict training plan (in which case it would be more than two miles anyway). It's not even because you want to keep your current fitness level current.

Sometimes you go for a two mile run just because you feel like you can't. You put on your running shoes and grab your ipod and go just because you need to know that you can do it. You know that you can run the two miles without stopping simply because you've done it so many times before.

And you find (regardless of what you think of my theology here) that at some point in your run, the need to stop overwhelms you and just when you feel no choice but to give in, God brings just the right song onto your ipod. That well-timed song pushes you beyond what you thought you could do and not only do you finish that run, you kick it up and finish strong. And then you almost throw up.

But I ran the whole two miles.

just me

2008-09-04T21:20:00.000-07:00

I spent all day wearing mismatched earrings and did not notice until bedtime tonight. They were dangley and show really well with my new short hair. Just thought I should share.

Beauty

2008-09-03T14:18:00.000-07:00

Beaver Creek, Colorado was beautiful. For the first time in my life, I rode a ski lift - along with Greg and the girls. We hiked at the top of the ski lift and experienced a little altitude dizziness, but it was gorgeous. Grace only rode the ski lift up and then back down with me before I rode up again for our hiking. We all rode in a gondola too, another first.

The kiddos spent plenty of time wading in mountain streams, looking for fabulous rocks, hunting pine cones, and enjoying the many kid's activities offered at the resort in the summer.

We had a wonderful time with Greg's family and fully celebrated the legacy of his parents, Jack and Sandra, and their 50 years of marriage.

Enjoy the pictures:

HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!

Mountains!

2008-08-28T15:32:00.001-07:00

We're heading to Colorado to celebrate Greg's parents' 50th Anniversary! I can't wait. Pictures to come...

Trust

2008-08-27T05:37:00.000-07:00

You have measured the waters in the hollow of Your hand,
And marked off the heavens with the breadth of Your hand.
You have calculated the dust of the earth in a measure,
And weighed the mountains in the balance
And the hills in scales.

You are the Lord, and there is no other;
Apart from You there is no God.
From the rising of the sun to its setting,
We know there is none besides You.
You are the Lord, and there is no other.

May I be strong and courageous; may I not be afraid or discouraged, for You, Lord my God, will be with me wherever I go.

(Isaiah 40:12, 45:5-6, Joshua 1:9)

NEWS

2008-08-22T12:17:00.000-07:00

Just in case you've heard a rumor, NO, I AM NOT EXPECTING.

I really love the shirt styles for women right now: feminine, long, flowy, higher waisted. They're fun, but they do have a slightly ambiguous attitude right around the womb. I put on one of my favorite feminine shirts of just such a style this morning before heading out with Grace to run some errands.

We ran into at least four people we knew, not counting others we may not have noticed (I'm a focused shopper). One particular woman who is very friendly and I just know as an acquaintance visited with me for awhile, and I began to notice that her eyes were occasionally diverting toward that ambiguous area I mentioned. All of you women know how it goes: you CAN'T say anything, because what if you're wrong, but what if you SHOULD notice and it's actually at that point where NOT saying something could be perceived as unconcerned.

Now, if this sweet lady was someone I knew a little better, I would have outright declared to her that no, I am not expecting, to put her at ease... But it didn't seem quite appropriate at the time. If I were her I would have gone to someone in our very little town I knew who knew me and asked, to prepare myself if need be for our next encounter.

AND all of this, could perchance start a rumor that I would like to end right now. There, and now I'm trying to determine if these pretty shirts are worth it.

It is true however, that I have a VERY SHORT new "do." I picked Emma up from school the day I had my hair cut, and she got right in the van and said, "Nice hair, Mom. Dad's not going to like it."

"And why do you say that, Emma?"

"You know Dad likes your hair long."

"Well, for your information, Daddy knew all about this, and he's already seen it and he does like it" -- or at least he is a wise and experienced husband with the perfect first reaction.

So far so good

2008-08-19T18:41:00.000-07:00

So far so good mostly...

With some normal bumps and foibles, Abby and Emma are finding their way around their new school and through their school day remarkably well. I'm so proud of them. Abby has started daily volleyball practice this week, and she's enjoying it so far.

As for me... Well, I'm having a bit of an extended identity crisis, but I'll get through. I find myself wandering around the house sometime after lunch looking in every room for my cue on what REALLY IMPORTANT thing I should do next. Grace and I are having a great time so far going on nature walks at the arboretum, playing at the playground at the end of our street, reading LOTS of books, doing puzzles... but this is the first time I have ever had only one 4 year old child at home; at some point each day I become completely boring. Grace seems to be enjoying the new look to our days for the most part too.

I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father's faithfulness to me. He is reminding me through little answered prayers of His Presence with Abby and Emma, of His involvement in their lives, and of His love for them. He is reminding me of His sovereignty, and I am so grateful.

The first day of school

2008-08-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

Abby and Emma are currently in the middle of their first ever day AT school. They have both been pretty anxious about starting something so new, but within the last couple of days we have been overwhelmed by all of the love and encouragement we've received from friends and family.

We have had many phone calls checking in telling us we're being prayed for. We received a package in the mail from my sister with homemade super cool magnets for Abby's and Emma's lockers along with other fun school stuff. She also sent Grace a craft kit to enjoy at home when her sisters were gone.

Our dear friends, the Larson family, sent a perfectly timed Top 10 List of why GOING to school is cool composed by Logan and Alyssa. We just got it in the mail yesterday, and it is currently hanging on our fridge.

I was the backpack fairy last night, trying to sneak cards into Abby's and Emma's backpacks in their rooms while the were asleep. I was really terrible at it. They both woke up to ask me what I was doing.

"Nothing, you never saw me here. Good night."

By this morning, the anxiety was gone and Abby and Emma seemed mostly just excited.

And Grace and I went to our first "Mom of going to school kids" thing right after we dropped Abby and Emma off. We all met at the Donut shop and laughed and cried a bit and prayed and ate donuts and sat and talked for a long time until the jitters wore off a bit.

All good things...

2008-08-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

And the fun has continued...

Emma's violin concert at a nursing home... Her instructor is on the left.

A captive audience

Mrs. Spencer asked Grace to come up and sing Jesus Loves Me while the violinists accompanied her. Our little born performer quickly and SUPER cheerfully agreed to the idea and charmed everyone. Ethan was invited up as well, but he wasn't quite as eager so he charmed from the sidelines with his sweet face.

The day of the violin concert also happened to be Grace's first ever ballet class which she has been waiting for her whole life. I had to snap a quick, blurry picture before she ran to join her circle.

We've seen the American Girl Kit movie in the theater, we went swimming at an indoor pool on a rainy evening, we spent all day today at The Exploration Place (science museum) in Wichita, and I'm feeling a little tired.

BUT, we have made fabulous memories and thoroughly enjoyed our last hurrah of summer. Tomorrow Hannah and Ethan head home, and something tells me the house will seem terribly boring as soon as we hug good-bye.

Cousin Camp!

2008-08-05T17:51:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been awhile - we've been fully enjoying our last few weeks of summer. I just enrolled Abby and Emma for middle school on Monday, and their first day of school is August 12th.

We went to Dallas last weekend to pick up cousins Hannah and Ethan who are staying with us for a week. We are having a fabulous time enjoying our GREAT LAST HURRAH OF SUMMER together.

So far we've been to a lake resort with a beach to swim, fish, and cook out. We hit our own Hesston splash park. Today we went to a zoo in the morning and a really fun water park / pool in the afternoon with a picnic lunch in between. We're grilling burgers, eating ice cream cones, and playing games.

Here are a few pictures of the fun so far...

Greg, Abby, and I were all praying that Ethan would catch his first fish without realizing we all were praying the same thing. He SO wanted to catch one and it was SO hot and seemed an impossibility...

Don't you know the Lord was tickled with that face!

Robots and Fazoli's

2008-07-24T20:07:00.000-07:00

This has been kind of a crazy week so far - fun, but crazy. Abby has been at Lego Robotics Camp at Wichita State University this week. She has to be there every morning by 9:00 and is done at 4:30. A dear friend of ours, who also happens to be an instructor at the university, has taken her and brought her home a few times (a huge blessing considering the commute and the cost of gas).

Abby has really enjoyed this so far. The 6-8th graders work in teams led by engineering students to build and program robots and then compete in challenges. Tomorrow ends with a parent reception.

I took Abby and Emma each out for a "date with Mom" to buy their school supplies and some school clothes, since we're spending all of this extra time in Wichita as it is. This is all a new experience for us as the girls enter school for the first time in August. I took each of them out to dinner as part of our shopping outing to a reasonable place of their choice. Abby picked Famous Dave's and Emma picked Fazoli's. Honestly, being from Texas has made me a bar-be-cue snob, and Famous Dave's was terribly unimpressive (esp. for the price), but I think Abby really liked her meal - and we had a great time. Now Fazoli's just makes me really happy. All those fabulous bread sticks, amazing prices, decent atmosphere - and we had a great time.

O, and while we were shopping, we had to pick up some rain boots for Grace. She has wanted some for as long as she can remember. They were half price at Target, pink, and have kitty faces on the feet. She is super excited, and put them on right away in the living room. Then, she sat on the couch to wait for rain (not a cloud in the sky and 100 degrees). I checked the weather; there might be a storm tomorrow; Grace can hardly sleep due to anticipation.

Just a quick life update, more to come later...

What's up with the Hesston tooth fairy?!

2008-07-17T20:47:00.000-07:00

Emma lost a tooth this evening. Grace was astounded and amazed. We all looked at her wad of wet, blood stained paper towel and congratulated her. And then she said this...

"Mom, do you just want to give me the money now, so you don't have to try to remember tonight?"

"WHAT!?" I replied incredulously. "This has nothing to do with me; the Kansas tooth fairy just seems to be a loser. We will absolutely make sure she gets the memo."

A little background is in order...
Back in Cedar Rapids when my daughters first started losing teeth, it was all a very big deal. At one point one of my daughters looked at me, straight in the face and said, "Mom, I know YOU are the tooth fairy. I've seen you sneaking into my room."

I just couldn't lie to her, so I said, "O.K., you're right, I AM the tooth fairy...

for the entire Cedar Rapids area. That's why I am often tired in the afternoon; it's a really big job: putting on the tights and the wings, visiting all those children in the middle of the night, and then trying to find something to do with all of those teeth! Tooth fairies are hired by city, and you're right - it's me."

But now that we're in Kansas and teeth keep falling out and there are so many of them and children get older, this new Kansas tooth fairy is totally not on the ball - or so I told my red head who rolled her eyes the whole time I explained.

I met some friends for coffee this evening and came home to find a little yellow note on my pillow. On the front there is a sweet little drawn face and...

To Mom/fairy

with love

Then the inside has a little fairy drawn on the bottom corner and this message...

Dear Mom/fairy

remember!

I lost a tooth!

a molar!!!!

So, I'm going to go let this Hesston fairy know now.

Happy Birthday, Abby!

2008-07-16T20:58:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 12TH BIRTHDAY, ABBY!

It doesn't matter how old I am - the fact that I now have a 12 year old makes me old. Wow! Greg and I realized today that we only have one more year that we won't have a teenage girl in our home before around 14 years of teenage daughterdom.

Honestly, I am loving this time. It's such a blessing to interact with our oldest daughters in a more grown up way and have deeper conversations. I am fascinated by their unique personalities and talents (and weaknesses). I love to hear them pray. I love to watch their tastes develop. And, I love that we can play with Klutz Icky Poo that Grace gave Abby for her birthday (aka "sticky poo" by Emma and "Icky Poop" by Grace), see picture below:

It was a fun day for Abby. We started with her requested birthday breakfast of...

breakfast sausage... and anything else we wanted. The important thing was breakfast sausage - links. We also had buttermilk pancakes and o.j. - two other favorites. She had a great time opening gifts, enjoying them, receiving some special phone calls, having a guitar lesson, going to volleyball camp (everyday this week from 3-5), and having some surprise gifts dropped off throughout the day from friends.

Requested birthday dinner was bar-b-que beef sandwiches, homemade fries, green beans (o.k., those were not requested; I threw those in), and chocolate chip cake and vanilla ice cream for birthday dessert.

Then we watched a family movie, and now we're calling it a day.

We love you so much, Abby!

Bood pirp

2008-07-12T11:53:00.000-07:00

Emma and Greg just returned from a memory-making bike ride that involved a surprising deluge of rain and of other things that sometimes fall from the sky, especially when the sky has birds in it.

After hearing a bit about their adventure, I responded with, "I can't believe a bood pirped on Emma's head!" Some spoonerisms just come out a whole lot better than others, and this particular one had me in tears shortly after I heard it come out of my mouth.

Anyway, yesterday we had the opportunity to go see the Wichita Children's Theater's production of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. We went with some friends and had a great time eating lunch there, watching the play/musical, and then heading back to our house for fun on the "slipper slide." Kansas is not the place for any sort of incline, so the kiddos definitely had to make the slip or slide thing happen all by themselves; but they had great fun.

Here are a few favorite pics:

And, of course, Grace and Malea had to dress up:

I should be cleaning my bathroom

2008-07-08T08:22:00.000-07:00

Grace and I found a tiny baby robin underneath the slide at the park at the end of our street yesterday. He looked healthy but very small and didn't move very quickly. We quickly ascertained that leaving a slow moving baby robin underneath a slide in a park would be to its detriment, so we brought him home to our garden.

He snuggled right into my hand without a fight, looking around and occasionally chirping while Grace and I walked home. When we came home, Abby quickly found some earthworms which our little robin nibbled from her hand. He hopped around some, and when I checked on him a while later, he was gone. I think he'll be a success story; at least I prayed that God would watch over him, and I thanked Him for the opportunity to witness His creation up close.

We also have a huge caterpillar nibbling away at a Missouri primrose in our garden. We're hoping for the chance to watch the chrysalis stage. He's so large and fat, it can't be too far away; and that Missouri primrose was one we had tried to dig up and transfer - so, bon appetit!

I love summer.

The third of July

2008-07-03T19:46:00.000-07:00

Today was the day of THE BIG TENNIS TOURNAMENT that always caps off about six weeks of lessons and play dates for Abby and Emma. We had a great time. I love tennis tournaments, especially on a beautiful day like today. I don't think it ever got out of the 70's (if so, not by much), and it's all about the time outside with friends and snacks and some tennis.

Now the pre-fourth of July (as in the 3rd) celebration is in full-swing outside our open windows. It is 10:10 p.m., and my children are "trying" to go to sleep with all of the boom-hiss-screech-light show beckoning them to the window, while I remind them that the big party is tomorrow and late night tomorrow will be more difficult after a late one tonight.

I don't think my logical reasoning is terribly convincing.