Back to the Beginning... Again

I should be de-Christmassing, but I generally hate that part of the holiday season.
In truth, I like the fresh start it represents and the opportunity to maybe have things organized once I'm done, but it's the process of getting there that troubles me.

Soooo, instead of getting started right away, I'm pondering the new year, Greg turning 40 and starting a new decade (one he's really looking forward to, I might add), and the unique wonderfulness of beginnings.













And seeing as how Grace got wind of my plans to de-Christmas soon and is consequently frantically reading all of the Christmas books one last time before they are locked away for a year, it seems only fair that I give her a moment.





I guess I love that as lost in a moment as I can be, a new year is still a new calendar that no one has written on - and it remains so until I take a pen in hand and start writing.

And regardless of cynical thoughts about my bajillion past ideas or dreams that have never come to fruition, that calendar stays clean with no plans or failures documented - until I try again, with my pen to own my new calendar.

And at the end of every year when I agonize over which new calendar to purchase (must have an emotional attachment), I am overwhelmed with it's newness.

I am overwhelmed with grace - the opportunity to begin again, again.

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The Bathroom, The Nutcracker, and Prisoners

Yep, life has been a little nutty around here (as is typical for every American household in December)...

We are PRETTY excited about the bathroom makeover that has been taking place this week in the bathroom that Emma and Grace share. It was the only room in our wonderful home (that we snagged for an amazing bargain as a foreclosure that needed moderate love) that actually freaked me out when we first saw it. It was kind of creepy and dingy and had carpet.

Greg and I had been saving for an eventual remodel, and the time is finally here! It's a tad complicated when one upstairs bath is out of commission and the other is attached to our bedroom and closet which also happens to be The North Pole right now. The downstairs bath is doing triple time, and it works out with flexibility...










We had a great time with my parents who came last weekend for an early Christmas visit and to see Emma and Grace in The Nutcracker. I finished work before our break on Friday. Saturday was dress rehearsal ALL DAY and one performance that night. Sunday was the second performance, during which I volunteered as backstage mom for an abundance of little mice before and after their part in the performance. The bathroom guys started on Monday morning.

I've been shopping most of the week, because I have time off, for which I am grateful.
Greg works all day this week and has Christmas Eve rehearsals most evenings. He got home after dress rehearsal last night by 11:30.

I am not getting to Christmas cards this year, but we haven't changed all that much from our picture last year. I am loving the photos and catch up notes from many of you. Thank you for squeezing that into your own Christmas craziness.

I am finally feeling done and so overdue for time to JUST BE. Today was sunny and cool, a beautiful Texas winter day (which equals a good spring day in Iowa). I put on my running stuff, grabbed my iPod, and went for a jog.

My soul needed that time in the beauty with no one around. One of the albums on my iPod is Sara Groves, O Holy Night Tour, which is recorded live in a women's prison.

I was running and listening to her beautiful version of Angels we have Heard on High when my heart caught in my throat and surprised me with instant tears at the part when she said, "please sing with me, Gloria, will you sing that?"

The most amazing part of that song overwhelmed me as the lovely voices of the women prisoners sounded to me like angels joining in singing, "Gloria, gloria, gloria in excelsis deo..."

I don't know what is in the hearts of these women, but their voices were beautiful.
I wondered if I sing as beautifully as a prisoner who has been set free.
Or if I sing as one who feels contented with a comfortable life and comfortable Christmas that includes general happiness about eternity.
Or if I sing as one who is a prisoner still not aware of her freedom.
It all depends upon my state of mind, I suppose. I have sung as each.

Gloria, gloria, gloria in excelsis deo!

May we all sing as prisoners who have been set free this Christmas.
Merry Christmas!


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Ponderings and Plans, not necessarily in that order

Looking forward to a busy but fun weekend ahead. Greg and I are running in the City of Allen Rudolph Run 5K tomorrow, weather permitting. Abby has an all day service project with her youth group at a local food pantry, and Emma has ballet and then she'll be serving at her ballet company's Tea with the Sugar Plum Fairy. I am finally going to see The Help with my niece and sister-in-law in the afternoon, which I am pretty excited about.
And the Big Event of the weekend is...

Our annual Christmas Tree Decorating / Eat Chinese Take-out for Dinner Thing tomorrow night! Of course it is always frought with tangled, burned-out lights irritation, "that's my ornament!"itis, little welts where the fir needles poke us, sap from the trunk on our hands for about a week, general exhaustion from the whole experience, some repositioning after Grace is in bed, and needles everywhere, but honestly, the Chinese food makes it all better.
We've had this tradition for at least 9 years - enough to validate it with a red Chinese take-out box and chopsticks ornament. Our beautiful tree is standing in a bucket of water in the backyard for the time being, quivering in anticipation, I think.

Deep thoughts and/or quotables from the week (the ones I can remember):

Grace is a big Beverly Cleary fan, and she particularly loves and feels a kinship with Ramona as the youngest. Her comment after reading a portion of Ramona Quimby, Age 8 together tonight - "Beverly Cleary just knows how life really is."

I think I need to start my own bubble bath company. I am almost out and put it on the Christmas wish list that Grace started for every member of the family. I really do appreciate the wonderful aromatherapy scents I've had (relax, sleep, etc), but sometimes I need bubble bath called "Kick in the Rear" or "Get up and go organize a closet, already!". Haven't quite figured out the scents yet, but I'm working on it.

My Current Currentlies:

I am...
Currently reading: To Kill A Mockingbird and loving it (haven't read it since high school). That Harper Lee can craft a sentence - every one, in fact.

Currently listening to: Gungor's latest album Ghosts Upon the Earth - they are musical geniuses, amazing to listen to while running.
Sara Groves' new album Invisible Empires - love her voice and thoughtfulness.

And that's about it for now, because it's Friday night after a long week and my eyelids are getting droopy.
Happy Weekend to you.

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Turning in

I'm sitting here in our reading room with a cup of hot tea (the ingredients read "organic peppermint leaves from Oregon" which I find comforting) and filtering through my day in my head.

It was one of those mostly uneventful, but busy, run of the mill days. I don't much care for that type - not because I long for some kind of important event or crisis, heavens no. I am quite drawn to peace and calm in general.

It's more possibly due to feeling bored and worse yet, boring. I long to be full of creative ideas and brimming over with effectiveness in my job and family, and I'm noticing I really demand this daily. This admirable drive meets reality more often than I would like, and I am left once again to grapple with the problem of "How to make effective creativity happen."

My reaction to this kind of day is also possibly based upon my inability to see the extraordinary in the mundane. Although I learned of a parent who is discouraged at her older child's lack of progress on his "s" production today (his lisp was identified late after years of lisping practice, and we work on it over and over every week), today I also heard one of my students make his first ever beautiful "r." And then he repeated it nine times.

It all runs together into a mushy humdrum of busyness, and instead I want to take a moment to celebrate or think of a creative solution or glean someone's wisdom...

Or notice the amazing night sky with a wide strip of subtly beautiful rippled sand clouds blanketed across it and a crescent moon shining boldly within it. I did notice that one. On my walk with Greg tonight.

That makes me feel better.


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Confessions of a working mom

I am obviously struggling to keep up with my blog - or write at all for that matter. Although writing is refreshing and life-giving for me, I cannot figure out how to incorporate it in to my life... Ironic?

Truth is, that's just the beginning of my long list entitled "important things I am neglecting." I still cannot wrap my brain or being around working full-time and being mom, wife, woman, friend, etc. without feeling guilty and honestly, failure-ish.

And although I love my job, it's a job. A lot of my hours are spent there... my happy, energetic hours. My confession is that I am holding onto values of motherhood, wifehood, general good womanhood that don't work out with my current lifestyle, and so I am constantly questioning my value and purpose. This is not based on truth and I know it, but it's my issue right now. And, no one else is holding this arbitrary standard up against me but myself.

My job is meaningful, I definitely know that in theory - but like anything that occasionally runs toward the routine, I question the value of my time, my investment.

"Then the righteous will answer him, Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink...
The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"

On Friday I saw one of my second grade students for speech therapy who has had a rough go. His mom left when he was very young and has little to no contact with him or his brother by choice. She lives in another state. I haven't seen any parental representatives for this student at any school functions. He has some behavioral issues that are starting to rear their head.

The student I usually see along with him was absent, so he and I started our session with games working on his "TH" sound and then moving to working on clear articulation of 3-4 syllable words... My lessons this week were based on the wonderful book, How to Make an Apple Pie and see the World. Earlier in the week, he told me he had never tasted apple pie; so on Friday I was prepared.

I brought three kinds of apples for tasting and a small apple pie as well. A change came over that boy when I pulled them all out and began cutting into the apples. We talked about the apples, describing them, deciding which were our favorites, his eyes lit up and smiled at me the whole time - he loved all of them, granny smith, gala, red delicious - peel and all.

Then, I cut into the little, personal-size, store bought apple pie... He had a taste. "Is it ok if I have some more of dat?"

"I'll give you another piece. Well, you know what, you've already had lunch... you can finish it."

Great big smile - he decided he liked it.

I told him it was time to head back to class, and he stood up, looked me right in the eye, and said "well, thank you for everything."

"You're welcome, Buddy."

He walked halfway across the room toward the door and stopped, turned around... "Yeah, thanks, thank you for everything."

"You're welcome."

He is well-fed and loved by his busy dad. I think it was hunger, nonetheless that I had the sacred opportunity to fill and I feel blessed.

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Odds and Ends

Now that most of us have the first week of school under our belts, I'd love to hear how it went for you - any great moments to share? or horrible moments you'd rather forget but know others will appreciate you sharing so they can commiserate? Comment here or on FB if you have a sec...

I started back two weeks ago, one full week before the students started back, and in the last two weeks...

-I took part in my first full blown Flash Mob, seriously. Yep - my first time EVER to learn dance choreography and then perform publicly.
Our fabulous principal informed us at a team building staff event the Friday before we officially started back that the entire staff of our school would be learning a dance to the song "Right Here, Right Now" to flash mob perform at Convocation on Monday morning in front of the staff of our whole district. I practiced at home about 47 times that weekend (not exactly known for my mad dancing skills) and pretty much had an amazing time with that whole thing. I'm pretty sure we were awesome.

-We went to a Ranger's Game (Greg, Abby, and I) the night of the FIRST day of school and didn't get to bed that night until midnight - a little nuts, but we were given great tickets with a season parking pass and sat 13 rows away from the batter. And we won while sitting next to obnoxious Red Sox fans which made it so very sweet.

-Greg and I went to an opening of a new show at Valley House Gallery and panicked when the only parking option was valet. We had two dollars between us (how much are you supposed to give those guys anyway? I NEVER opt for valet, partly because I don't mind walking, and partly because I NEVER have cash). The exhibit was inspiring, and we ran into another artist/sculptor, Micheal O'Keefe, who has been a big source of inspiration to Greg while we were there. Check out his work on the Valley House Gallery website; it is amazing... We had a great conversation with him, and then, it was time to go.
Greg wadded up our two bills as thickly and indiscriminately as possible and took off as fast as he could without running over one of those nice valet guys working in 100 degree heat after handing off our tip.

-I chopped my hair, which was fun and I like it, which is fortunate.

-Grace had a wonderful first week of second grade, and much to my surprise rattled off the morning routine to me on the way to her second day of school (a challenge to remember just about every day of first grade). "Wow, Grace. You really listened yesterday; I'm proud of you!"
"Mom, Mrs. Weir acted it out for us - that's why."
Of course - epiphany... Will be figuring out a way to incorporate a little more of that at home.

-And, so far we have incorporated the idea of sabbath as a family rhythm for two weeks. This is not Old Testament law-driven sabbath but sabbath as rest and replenishment. There is no way around crazy, hectic days in our stage of life, so we've decided to claim one day a week for only those things that refresh and inspire creativity and spiritual, physical, and relational replenishment. We've declared it a no tv or consumerism day and instead read, create art, write, play instruments, play games, exercise, have extended time to pray, enjoy listening to music, linger over a yummy meal planned by Greg (2 delicious meals so far), have friends over, and will some day get outside to enjoy creation...

You get the idea. I'm loving this so far, and although there are and will be challenges, with flexibility, it might work. Saturday is pretty crazy, because we try to fit all the weekend work into that day... But, sabbath makes the rest of the chaos tolerable, because you know it's coming.

I'm hoping we can keep it going...

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The Dinner Question

I start back to school on Monday, a week before the girls go back. It's been a great summer. I've loved having the opportunity to check back in as a mom, wife, daughter and daughter-in-law, sister, friend, granddaughter...

I'm working through the idea of incorporating healthy rhythm in my life as I head back into the full-time work week. Greg and I have had many discussions about the book Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton after she came to speak to our church leaders. I'll try to share updates as we experiment with this idea through trial and much error, I'm sure. I have to personally unpack it a little more before I even attempt to explain some of my thoughts, but I am hoping to get there.

On to dinner...
We had a wonderful time the other evening with some new friends, Stanley and Jenny, we've been wanting to get to know a little better. They turned out to be the type of people you feel like you've known for a long time once you have a real conversation with them (slight disclaimer: Jenny is a counselor, but she was not on the clock).

As I was talking with Jenny, the topic of my personal retreat came up. I had merely introduced the subject when she asked one of those perfect questions that you don't realize you've desperately been wanting someone to ask until you hear it.

"Kelly, what did God say to you that weekend?"

Now, sometimes people ask that question when they shouldn't and it freaks me out. But Jenny isn't like that, and she knew as clearly as I did that there was an answer to that question.

My eyes got a little misty as the surprising strength of that answer formulated itself into words:

"He said, not audibly but certainly, 'I'm so glad you are finally 'going there' with Me. I've been here in the quiet space where you couldn't go, always here even though you couldn't be here yet... And I knew that, so I've waited.'
And I knew with intense certainty that He never left or blinked or abandoned, but orchestrated within a Love that I cannot comprehend."

And I don't want to stop listening, but life is loud, so I'm thinking through that one.