Sometimes you need a homecoming queen

It was a good day, really... especially for a Monday that followed 4 days without my hubby (who was at an artists' retreat), until...

I came home from work with the girls and EVERYONE was a little GRUMPY (except Greg, he wasn't home yet). We were tired, Grace has a little cold, several of us are experiencing varying degrees of hormonal influences these days and...

arguments ensued with ATTITUDE. My middle daughter who shall not be named seriously perturbed the youngest, who shall not be named but who consequently grabbed a full glass of water and poured it all over the pile of violin books sitting in front of middle daughter. I just ordered these violin books as requested by middle daughter's private instructor... I spent a LONG time finding them on Amazon and paying for them last week and they just came in today.

I yelled... youngest daughter yelled back. Time outs and more heated discussion along with explanations, apologies, forgiveness, etc.

In the heat of the moment, not knowing what else to do with the intensity, I popped an atomic fireball into my mouth.

I've never had one before, and I don't know why I did it except that they gave them out at church to go along with our "GO BOLDLY" series. I guess I thought that somehow it would help.

It didn't. Greg came home to me sitting on the step of our front walk with tears- not due to the recent situation, but due to the pain in my mouth. I left it in, because I somehow needed to feel I was going boldly (don't ask, it was completely inapplicable - I was grasping).

Greg took the girls to music lessons while I took the dog for a walk as a bit of emotional therapy, and then the dog pooped and I grasped it in my plastic bag-covered hand - except my middle finger was too tall.

:{

Then I got a timely phone call back at home, and my co-worker let me know who won homecoming queen at our high school last weekend...

"You know her," she said.

The very special girl who won has Down Syndrome. I have had the privilege of communicating with her via an augmentative system on her itouch.
I was told she had on a beautiful dress and went to the dance as the date of the homecoming king.

Tears again... the better kind. Sometimes you just need a homecoming queen to bring the beauty back.

First Grade Society of Explorers

JUST have to share that a letter came in the mail today for Grace from her new elementary school with a wonderful old-world "seal" in the top left corner - a picture of a tent in the jungle with the words "First Grade Society of Explorers... Go Boldly" in a circle around the picture.

Inside was a personalized letter from her new teacher describing their daring adventure in the upcoming year (only for courageous boys and girls) to explore... perhaps encountering unknown creatures, discovering new lands, climbing tall mountains and sailing across endless seas... She explained how excited she is, how she can't wait, and at the end added a personal note to Grace saying she's already heard about what a great kid she is...

Can I go to first grade?

I've met her teacher; she's my age and has taught for many years. She LOVES what she does; this is not an overly enthusiastic first year teacher (nothing wrong with that, just sayin). She included a card for Grace to bring in a burning question she has - something SHE wants to learn about...

Anyway, I got all teary.

back to random

I love mangoes - love them! I just ate a whole jumbo mango all by myself and looked like a beastie while I ate it, but yum...

We have agonized over our impending BIG DECISION and have now decided to put all three girls into schools in the new district where I will be working. It is an amazing, small school district (I think the whole high school has around the same number of students Abby would have had just in her freshman class), and it is 1.5 miles from our home, so school friends will be close. Grace's first grade class will be about three doors away from my therapy room in her elementary school.

I am already loving my new job. The professional development classes have been inspiring and fun, lunch has been fabulous :), and I am thoroughly enjoying all of the people I'm getting to know. Greg told a friend he feels like he has his wife back; I feel back too - and it's a nice place to be.

AND, I am quite excited about a new cookbook I found at Half Price Books. My lifestyle is shifting once again, and now I need quick evening meals instead of crock pot anything. I found Bon Appetit Every-Night Cooking Fast and Fun: A Real-Life Guide to Getting Dinner on the Table - quite a mouthful, yes? I am pretty persnickety about cookbooks - they have to grab me visually: short, quality ingredient lists (not too much "cream of... soup"), short directions, nicely laid out on the page, good white space, and seriously user-friendly - with ingredients I've heard of, made without weird gadgets and gear. So far so good, I'll let you know how the end products turn out before completely endorsing.

Yep, random me is back.

Where I am

I went for a "run" today, and it was good to run&think&pray again. I've been back in the mode of "just remember to breathe and put one foot in front of the other" while I run as I'm trying to creep my fitness level up... but for the first time in a long time, I broke through the barrier of straight survival and actually enjoyed myself.

While I ran, I thought about where I am right now: in a beautiful home that Greg and I are enjoying making our own, in a neighborhood with ponds and fountains and nature trails and a swimming pool all within walking distance, in a church I love with an acted upon vision for the broken, confused, poor, and other needs in our community, in a marriage to a man who has loved me completely and faithfully through this adventure so far and for whom I have a deep and ever-growing respect (and he's seriously hot), the mother of three beautiful girls, and in a new job that I couldn't have dreamed up...

And this is a gift, all of it. It was one of those "please don't let me forget this overwhelming sense of gratitude" moments. I have been in a much darker place this past year - a place of dim vision, deep discouragement, and muddled confusion. I have been carried nonetheless, and now I see clearly for a moment...

All That

You know how you come to that place (most of us do, anyway) called...
"Actually, I'm not ALL THAT" ?
My hope is that this is the place from which we can begin to grow into something.

I was thinking about this today as I drove 2 1/2 hours to meet Greg's parents who were bringing Emma and Grace back from a week spent with both sets of grandparents. I'm currently in a transition between jobs which is inherently offering some much needed emotional, spiritual, and mental margin. I've thoroughly enjoyed having a week to spend a little time on my neglected home, a little time to think, read, pray, and spend every available spare moment with my hubby. The girls are home now, and I feel refreshed like I haven't felt in a very long time, it seems. I am so thankful for my husband, our daughters, our home, our church... I am thankful to feel thankful.

I wrote the following journal entry on 11-9-09:

What am I doing, exactly?
Living what I am not or
What I can grow to be? -
Because they're the same thing,
Really.
And it all depends upon the angle
From which I squint at myself.

Re-reading this and pondering with hope in Another.

Day Off

Sitting on the porch in the shade,
I am sheltered from the harsh realities of the summer sun.
The morning breeze is almost cool- adding to the deception
That I eagerly embrace.

Softly tinkling chimes from a neighbor's porch join
The mild summer song of contented birds, no longer mate-hunting-
For now.

I am surrounded by flowers in pots that I should water.
A pair of scissors sits next to me, waiting to cut dead blossoms,
And just beyond them my daughter's vulnerable bike asks to be taken to the garage (something about rust and protection).

An overripe, warm mango rests next to my toes on the wicker coffee table, harboring secrets of daring escapes from plastic grocery bags, hiding out in a minivan-induced inferno,
And finally surrendering itself to whatever fate awaits...

And my day is full of possibilities.

-Kelly

It's good to write again.

In the Meantime

O sacred Head, now wounded, With grief and shame weighed down,
Now scornfully surrounded With thorns, Thy only crown,
How art Thou pale with anguish, With sore abuse and scorn!
How does that visage languish Which once was bright as morn!

What was it like now, late at night for His friends and followers? How deep the pain of feeling forgotten and terrified with nowhere to turn for help. Their only Source of help, comfort, and strength was gone.

They didn't know or understand the profound mystery of what had occurred. They were in the midst of horrible confusion and disappointment - it is a hard place to be... waiting to see what it was all for...

Tonight as Grace held tightly to my hand and walked with me toward the bread and juice, my artistic child was listening to the band play the song "The Day that True Love Died" and watching the images on the screen of various works of art depicting the crucifixion and whispered, "Mommy, I'm really feeling kind of sad that Jesus had to die."

Me too, Sweetheart. Although I have been in the midst of my own confusion (which has made writing in this blog about near impossible for me), I see what His followers couldn't see that night and I have hope, because I have a Savior and He did this for me...

Perspective

I'm trying to think of something to write about, but the truth is I've had the wind knocked out of me by the tragedy in Haiti. My day of battling traffic and managing my own "issues" has been knocked into perspective.

I am overwhelmed by the magnitude of their pain and the endless need - feeling as though if I were there, I would be a cowering heap of helplessness with nothing to offer.

Please pray for miracles.
I am heartbroken.

TRYING...

Trying to write a little something no matter the circumstances... even coming home later than usual due to an accident shutting down the highway to start making fish tacos for dinner which began with me gracefully tossing the coleslaw dressing onto our very hard ceramic tile floor (lots of glass PLUS a permeating aroma) then tossing the bag of glass and fragrant dressing into an overfull trash can which toppled, sending morning coffee grounds across the kitchen floor (glad I still had my scrubs on).

Heading downstairs now in a fresh change of clothes hoping for a new beginning. Greg is at the store buying more dressing and Grace is demanding that I sing "Happy Birthday" to Jolly her new beta fish AND that I go out tonight and get a plant for Jolly's bowl in light of the occasion.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Jolly. I had no idea.

A Lame but Honest New Year's Resolution

I hope to start writing again... Kelly's New Year's Resolution hesitantly made and publicly posted on the 10th of January... Off to a good start!