I seem to be having this problem... I have only been to a few worship services since our move, and so far I can't make it through one without completely falling apart.
First off, I want to say that I'm not an excessive crier. I used to say, "I'm not very emotional and hardly ever cry," but that is just not even true anymore. I will say that generally I keep it together pretty well, then get away by myself and let the tears flow in solitude.
This new problem is quite unsettling for a number of reasons:
1. I never seem to have enough Kleenexes on hand, because I keep being surprised by this event, to handle the steady flow from my nose.
2. The above situation makes me feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable in public.
3. I seem to have lost control in an area where I have always had ample control and I REALLY LIKE CONTROL.
4. I'm not sure this is a good way to make new friends, because if I were looking at me, I might be a little freaked out.
The main issue is the singing of praise songs. The pastor at Chase Oaks, where we've been attending in Dallas, preached yesterday on worshipping the Lord in song. He mentioned the unique opportunity it is for God to "lift our heads" that may be bowed down for a variety of reasons (shame, pain, doubt, grief...) up toward Him - the One who is outside our circumstances even while He works in and through them.
That gives definition to my experience of finding Him faithful and true, righteous and worthy, compassionate and merciful, complete and sovereign as I sing. His character is so vivid at those moments, and my ability to see Him so clear that I weep. No matter how hard I try to avert my gaze from the words or think about something else, there is the Body of Christ (most of whom I don't yet know personally) all around me lifting their hearts and voices in adoration of Him who is worthy - drawing me even against my will fully in to the experience of worship. I know for some of them there is "pain in the offering," yet they sing.
Thank you, Body of Christ. I'll just learn to pack more Kleenexes into my purse for now.
7 comments:
Hey Kelly, miss you guys! You might have heard this from A Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning: "In love's service, only wounded soldiers can serve." God's plans will continue to have you and Greg keep on serving Him. It's not the same on Clover Ln without you.
-the schotts
Thank you for articulating what drives our deep emotions to overflow into tears during worship. I have very often experienced this and often thought "these songs should be encouraging me--not making me cry!" I really appreciated your pastor's explanation of worship and the next time it happens to me I'll now understand why!
Kelly, You have been through a lot and a lot has changed for you all in a very short period of time. I would say this would be quite normal even if a bit unsettling, and maybe this is an opportunity for you to rest from this burden of control and let God take over and just love on you. (Easier said than done I realize!)
We continue to lift you all up to our most gracious Father in Heaven and we long so very much to see you! You continue to be a wonderful source of encouragemnt to all of, Mrs. Homles! We love and miss all of you!
Beautifully articulated my daughter. Two things that are essential for Sunday mornings besides a heart that's ready for worship and your Bible: a generous supply of kleenex and waterproof mascara.
Love you,
Mom
Oh, My Kelly...I know the feeling well! I have learned over the last several years that I MUST have a good supply of kleenex with me whenever I enter a church. Love and Miss you much! Kim
Hey Kelly, wondered if we could send you all a Christmas note? jkschott@cox.net is my email address.
Welcome to my world my dear friend Kelly!!! I'll send you a supply!
Post a Comment