Insecurity

YES, I've started on the storage room, O.K.?! But, that's all the information you're getting on that right now.

Insecurity.

It is an interesting thing. I am so ridiculously affected by it. In fact, I spend a large amount of mental, emotional, and physical energy trying to appease this monster in my life.

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You see, I'm growing gray hairs. I have these long, wiry, doingy white hairs growing right out of the middle of my part. I keep pulling them out, but I notice at least one every day. I am not emotionally ready for lots of gray hairs. I was also feeling slightly dumpy in the hair department in general, so I decided it was time to make a hair appointment.

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I called this cool hair place recommended to me by a friend. You know, some place a little edgy that can make hip hair. I was not prepared, however for my encounter with the phone answering woman at the hair place who was indeed edgy (in the extremely irritable sense of the word). After the conversation, I mustered up enough courage to actually go in there. Greg couldn't believe I still went after my encounter, but cool, edgy hair places are a little hard to come by in these parts.

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So, I went in and said, "Um, I want not real short hip hair." And she delivered, I think. I like it, but at my age who am I to define "hip"? I'm hoping Amanda with the hot pink stripe down the middle of her head of black, curly hair knew. I did not color it, if you're wondering. I supposedly have "great hair for hiding gray" at least so far.

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The sad thing is that hip hair has not conquered insecurity or "image management" as John Ortberg puts it in his book The Life You've Always Wanted. I still worry far too much about my "image." I still struggle to be one who is comfortable receiving God's grace through Christ because I actually NEED it. I really hate it when those faults and weaknesses actually show up, especially when someone else is around. So, I just keep hoping nobody notices the gray just yet.