Do you ever wake up in the morning and put on a pair of pants that makes you feel powerful? That's what happened this morning. It's finally feeling like apple-pie-craving autumn around here, so I put on a favorite pair of corduroys this morning.
I love these pants.
They fit just exactly right. They're not too short (which can be a challenge for me), they're not too tight anywhere, they're not too baggy either. The color is just right - kind of a stone shade. They are EXTREMELY COMFORTABLE. They make me feel like it is more than okay to be me.
I bought these pants at a re-sale shop (which makes them all the more precious), they are Banana Republic (which means I'm somebody), and they have a tiny hole right in the rump where Rosie, the bad dog whom I love, sunk her teeth into them as a puppy last winter. So far the hole hasn't posed a problem, but it can only grow. The days of appropriateness for these pants are numbered.
The thing about these great pants is that they make me feel like I can conquer the world. All day I've pondered my dreams, wondered what great things I should pursue. Now at the end of this day, I feel like I'm in kindergarten. The reason for this is because my list of what I should consider pursuing includes: going to school part-time to work toward my master's in speech pathology, working on my sign language skills to work toward becoming a certified ASL interpreter, writing, making little wire and ribbon angels through this work-at-home company that pays $2.50 for every finished angel (okay, that's not a dream, just money), teaching beginning knitting classes (once I've improved my own skills), becoming an ebay seller extraordinaire, learning guitar and becoming an acoustic rock star...
There's this problem with trying to figure out who I am, who I think I am, who I want to be, who I actually could be. I know I love being a wife, a mom, a child of my Heavenly Father, and beyond that I'm stumped. What if I pursue something that I'm not actually cut out for?
These dumb pants have me all confused.
3 comments:
I had an interesting pants day myself today. I wore a pair of pinstripe black "menswear style" pants to work. I hadn't worn these pants in a long time. A sweet coworker asked me if I'd lost weight. I replied honestly that, no, I'd gained weight but blamed it on the fact that I had been on steroids for 3 weeks because of my poison ivy adventure. She, always one to look on the bright side, said, "Well, at least you don't have to give back any gold medals or make a public apology. You just gained a few pounds!"
I also have a favorite pair of pants with holes bitten out of them by Penny, one of two bad dogs I love, but that's another story and this is your blog!
P.S. On re-reading your post I have a suggestion. Take out the parts about feeling like you're in kindergarten, the pants being Banana Republic and the comment about "dumb pants" and you might be able to sell this to Lands End to use as one of their full page essays: "Kelly Holmes, free lance writer living on the windswept Kansas plains, ponders life, dreams and her favorite Lands End coururoys."
Amazing how a pair of pants can affect a girl, huh? It's so great to hear about all the thoughts you're having for the future! I'm praying for you and I can't wait to see you next weekend!
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